(Reprinted from original CourageWorks column in Forbes Magazine) We've all been there: Brimming with resolve on December 31st as we boldly declare the goals and changes we plan to make in the year ahead, and by January 31st that resolve has evaporated into the...
While writing my new book Stop Playing Safe, I approached numerous people who have been really courageous throughout their career and working lives. In between my fair share of “Thank you, but no thank you” responses (which were wonderful opportunities for building...
(Reprinted from my CourageWorks column in Forbes magazine) None of us are immune to the same temptations that Armstrong succumbed to. As self-serving, deceitful and cowardly as his behaviour has been, it’s also very human. The discovery of Lance Armstrong’s drug...
Yet as I know you will have experienced yourself, it’s through those times when we cannot rest on what we have known, and have to dig deep and press on, despite the challenges each day can bring, that we discover in ourselves strengths we didn’t know we had. Sometimes we just have to dig a bit deeper than others.
I talk a lot about living with courage. Let me just say, when it comes to the obsession millions of Americans have about guns, and more so, their right to carry one, it scares the hell out of me.
After a month of pressing my alarms snooze button, I finally hauled my weary self out of bed today to a 6am exercise class. As I yawned my way through the various exercises I had to remind myself that sometimes just showing up is more important than anything else.
It’s impossible to chart a certain path through uncertain waters. You can only adjust your sails as you move along – with greater flexibility, more resourcefulness, deeper faith and a heightened appreciation of the mysterious nature of life.
The reality is our fears are often not reasonable, rational or well-grounded. In fact numerous clinical scientific studies have found that our brains are wired to over-estimate some risks in life and underestimate our ability to handle them. This fear drives us not to take chances and make changes in our life when, what we should be more afraid of is what our lives will look like if we don’t make any. Fear is one potent and indispensable emotion. It can save your life but it can also stifle it. Profoundly. Know what to fear… and not what risks to embrace.
You can’t treat a problem properly unless you’ve diagnosed it properly. What lies at the heart of so many of the big problems we are facing around the world, and the smaller (though no less significant ones) we face in our own lives is our insistence that we are right and others are wrong. We are so busy insisting that we have the answer, we fail to accurately diagnose the root cause of what’s wrong, prescribe the wrong treatment, and then only perpetuate the problem.
Make sure that what you commit to aligns with what you are most committed too. When it does, then balance naturally sorts itself out.
Only when you are really clear about what it is that you most want to fit into your life, will you be able to find the clarity, confidence and guilt-free courage to say no to the many requests, invitations and opportunities that come your way.
Does your life brings you energy, or drain it from you? Helen Keller once said, “Life is a daring adventure or nothing.” One day I’m going to die. So will you. Now is the perfect time to make a fresh commitment to living a life that inspires you, so that one day, when you look back on your life that was, you can feel really good that you lived it to the full, and filled your days and years with things that brought you life and love.
The difference between those who succeed and those who don’t isn’t their talent or brilliance, luck or lack thereof. It’s their ability to stay in action when the going gets tough, motivation wanes and the path of least resistance grows more and more alluring. Successful people do things others don’t. Will you? Here are six keys to keeping your motivation when the option of throwing in the towel seems increasingly attractive.
Sometimes disappointment can hit with an intensity that can knock us down hard. When it does, we have to take the time to look for the gift our disappointment holds, and to be sure we unwrap it. Doing so sets us up to succeed in the game of life that much more.
“Faster – Higher – Stronger.” As you sit back in your living room marvelling at the athletic brilliance of those in London in the days ahead, take a moment to think about what it is that you are willing to work toward that will inspire you to dig deeper, work harder, and excel. Not for a Gold Medal, for glory or wealth. But simply because it is a goal worth pursuing; a goal that honours the best of what you have to bring to the world, regardless of how fast you can run, how high you can jump, or how strong you can lift.
When we judge others we are saying a lot more about ourselves than we are about them. Of course we need to be discerning and make judgments in order to be effective, but we can all benefit from being more mindful about what insecurities, unmet needs and fears may also be driving judgment. We should reflect on what our judgments saying about us and our need to judge. How are your judgements limiting your ability to connect, engage and build bridges rather than barriers?
We human beings are far more alike than we are different. I learnt that during my days in the West Bank. I learnt that living in Papua New Guinea. I learnt that living in America’s Bible Belt. And I was reminded of that again last week in Borneo. Sure, notice what makes you different to others. Notice what makes others different to you. But also notice the threads that link you – the insecurities, the dreams, the love of family, the anxieties, the things that you care about most deeply and the things that which makes you laugh most loudly. When we focus on the common ground, when we focus on our shared humanity, that’s when we can communicate, connect and create profound change both in our experience of life, and in the collective experience of humanity here on earth.
What gets in the way of benefiting from our intuition with people is our fear of what will happen if we listen to it. Sometimes we have so much invested in the status quo we avoid anything that threatens it, giving people the benefit of the doubt far too long. We fear the reaction of others if we question their integrity – whether it be causing them offence or an outright confrontation. More often, we fear how our own life will be impacted if our suspicions are proven correct. Tuning in to our intuition takes courage because it requires that we risk losing something we want and facing a reality we don’t. Humiliation. Being alone. Legal action. Ugly press. Others judgments. Social ostracism. Loss of money, of face, of friendship, and of the identity we had of ourselves and whoever violated our trust.
The term “Desperate Housewives Syndrome” was recently coined to describe the rise of women 35 plus (I refuse to call women my age, middle aged!) seeking treatment for eating disorders like bulimia and anorexia. Frankly it’s a banal term for a serious phenomenon. And it’s one I know something about. As a woman in my forties, I also know how much pressure there is to look good. While I don’t watch Desperate Housewives or any shows of similar ilk (life’s too short), I’m still constantly bombarded with images of women my age and older who are looking smokin’ hot. The images being flashed in front of us aren’t of normal women. While 25 years ago the average model/beauty queen weighed 8% less than the rest of us, today they weight 23% less. Trying to look like them is a Mission Impossible… at least for the vast (95%) majority of us. While we women seem wired to compare ourselves with others, trying to conform to the idealised, illusive and “Official Body Type” comes at a profound cost. Only when we refuse to buy into somebody else’s definition of beauty, and own the innate beauty we were born with, can we ever be truly emancipated. After all, who really get’s to say whether your love handles are loveable?
You do.
How often have you come across a supposedly super smart person – often with multiple letters after their name, and a big title on their business card – who did really dumb things? And why is it that those we thought most likely to succeed, so often nose dived in their careers, when they had to start managing with other people? The reality is that our EQ (Emotional Intelligence) determines our success in our workplace, our relationships and life far more profoundly than our ability to computer mathematical equations. And the good news is that unlike your IQ which is relatively fixed, your EQ is something you can build as you age.
As social media reshapes our social life, we have to rethink what we want from our relationships, and realize that quantity doesn’t equal quality, and that there’s a profound difference between an online social network and a real one. Despite the fact there will always be someone, somewhere awake to “like” our latest status update – however witty or otherwise. Press Like if you agree.
Recent studies have found that despite being more connected than ever, more people feel more alone than ever. Surprisingly, those who report feeling most alone, are those you’d expect it from least: young people who conduct much of their life through social media. The correlation between how much time people spend connecting on the internet or digitally – whether by SMS, facebook, or otherwise – and how lonely they feel is evidence of this. Press “Like” if you agree.
How successful people are in finding new work after losing their job depends largely on their ability to bounce back from losing their job. That doesn’t mean that they don’t feel upset, hurt, resentful or any of the negative emotions that accompany job loss, but they don’t let those emotions consume them. Rather they focus on what they can do, versus what they can’t.
