Margie’s Insights & Interviews
Welcome to Margie’s blog where she shares personal stories, interviews, tools and more for living bravely.
Trusting gut instinct. Does fear cloud your better judgement?
What gets in the way of benefiting from our intuition with people is our fear of what will happen if we listen to it. Sometimes we have so much invested in the status quo we avoid anything that threatens it, giving people the benefit of the doubt far too long. We fear the reaction of others if we question their integrity – whether it be causing them offence or an outright confrontation. More often, we fear how our own life will be impacted if our suspicions are proven correct. Tuning in to our intuition takes courage because it requires that we risk losing something we want and facing a reality we don’t. Humiliation. Being alone. Legal action. Ugly press. Others judgments. Social ostracism. Loss of money, of face, of friendship, and of the identity we had of ourselves and whoever violated our trust.
“The Official Body”: The Profound Cost of Conformity
The term “Desperate Housewives Syndrome” was recently coined to describe the rise of women 35 plus (I refuse to call women my age, middle aged!) seeking treatment for eating disorders like bulimia and anorexia. Frankly it’s a banal term for a serious phenomenon. And it’s one I know something about. As a woman in my forties, I also know how much pressure there is to look good. While I don’t watch Desperate Housewives or any shows of similar ilk (life’s too short), I’m still constantly bombarded with images of women my age and older who are looking smokin’ hot. The images being flashed in front of us aren’t of normal women. While 25 years ago the average model/beauty queen weighed 8% less than the rest of us, today they weight 23% less. Trying to look like them is a Mission Impossible… at least for the vast (95%) majority of us. While we women seem wired to compare ourselves with others, trying to conform to the idealised, illusive and “Official Body Type” comes at a profound cost. Only when we refuse to buy into somebody else’s definition of beauty, and own the innate beauty we were born with, can we ever be truly emancipated. After all, who really get’s to say whether your love handles are loveable?
You do.
I.Q. Matters. But Your E.Q. Matters More.
How often have you come across a supposedly super smart person – often with multiple letters after their name, and a big title on their business card – who did really dumb things? And why is it that those we thought most likely to succeed, so often nose dived in their careers, when they had to start managing with other people? The reality is that our EQ (Emotional Intelligence) determines our success in our workplace, our relationships and life far more profoundly than our ability to computer mathematical equations. And the good news is that unlike your IQ which is relatively fixed, your EQ is something you can build as you age.
Connected, alone. Is technology making you lonely?
As social media reshapes our social life, we have to rethink what we want from our relationships, and realize that quantity doesn’t equal quality, and that there’s a profound difference between an online social network and a real one. Despite the fact there will always be someone, somewhere awake to “like” our latest status update – however witty or otherwise. Press Like if you agree.
Recent studies have found that despite being more connected than ever, more people feel more alone than ever. Surprisingly, those who report feeling most alone, are those you’d expect it from least: young people who conduct much of their life through social media. The correlation between how much time people spend connecting on the internet or digitally – whether by SMS, facebook, or otherwise – and how lonely they feel is evidence of this. Press “Like” if you agree.
Bouncing Back from Job Loss… Faster, Wiser & Better Off
How successful people are in finding new work after losing their job depends largely on their ability to bounce back from losing their job. That doesn’t mean that they don’t feel upset, hurt, resentful or any of the negative emotions that accompany job loss, but they don’t let those emotions consume them. Rather they focus on what they can do, versus what they can’t.
What world will you inhabit a decade from now?
As I plant myself back in Australia after a decade in the USA, it feels a bit like I’ve been in a time warp. Some things have changed a lot. Others hardly at all. But it makes me reflect on just how much can change for anyone over the course of a decade. Ten years can fly passed awfully fast. But it also provides countless opportunities for making changes and for taking chances that can totally reshape the reality of our lives.
So, if you could enter into a temporary “time warp”, and paint for yourself the world you’d love to inhabit ten years from now, what would it look like?
As I wrote in my book Find Your Courage, we fail far more from timidity than we do from over daring. So trust in yourself that whatever direction your dreams and aspirations may take you, you have the courage to follow.
Who Knows What You Know?!
Tooting your own horn isn’t about trying to impress people for the sake of stroking your ego. It’s about making sure that people who need to know what you have done (and can do), are aware of it. After all, the more people who know what it is that you want, and what you can do, the more who can help you achieve it.
Are Your Habits Helping or Hindering?
First we make our habits, and then our habits make us. Every morning I start my day with a big cup of Earl Grey tea, milk and two sugars. It’s become a well-worn ritual that dates back to my days in high school. And while it may not be the most ideal kick-start...
Why You Must Risk Vulnerability.
Courage has many faces, so what it means for one person to be courageous is very different for another. But at the core of courage is a willingness to become vulnerable. Vulnerable to rejection, criticism, failing, social humiliation, to messing up, falling short of the mark or simply to the disappointment that comes when we don’t achieve what we set out toward.
Around the globe today millions of people live in abject poverty. Around the globe today, yes TODAY, thousands of young women are forced into the sex trade. Around the globe today countless babies are aborted because their mothers don’t want them. Around the globe today people are mourning the loss of those they love to war, to disease and to malnutrition. Around the globe today, but particularly in the wealthy developed corners of the western world, people are taking their lives, because they have given up hope that life will ever offer anything for them to make it worth living. Without courageous action on the part of those who can influence change, nothing will.
Need to cut yourself some slack? Staying upright when life throws you off balance.
It’s easy to feel off balance when the ground beneath your feet shifts. Or in my case, when you move to the other side of the globe. As human beings we long for connection. We love to feel significant to those around us. We enjoy having a shared history with friends. We are wired to feel a sense of belonging and to be surrounded by people who value what we do and celebrate where we’ve come from. So when we relocate to somewhere new, whether it be a new town a hundred miles down the road, or another country, it’s only natural to feel unsettled, to grieve the familiarity, community and identity we’ve left behind, and to feel a degree of apprehension about our ability to rebuild it all again.
Moving to Australia… Changes Abound!
When the ground beneath our feet shifts, as it is for me right now, it’s only reasonable that we feel a bit unstable. How can our world tilt on its axis without us tilting a bit with it?
A time for Audacity, not Austerity… and some Tall Poppy Courage!
The new year has begun precariously for many. We hear a lot at the moment about the austerity measures that individuals and entire countries around the world must take to get their financial house back in order. But more than we need austerity, we need audacity… and some ‘Tall Poppy’ Courage!
What courageous changes will you make in 2012?
Plenty of change lies ahead in 2012. For you. For me. For people around the globe. That you will experience changes, and need to face new challenges, is a given. Whether your experience of them is one of wonder or terror, enthusiasm or despair, is a choice. So when it comes to the spirit in which you will step into the year ahead, where is your life in 2012 calling on you to be more courageous? Below are 8 strategies to ensure your success in making 2012 your year of living more purposefully, powerfully and courageously.
“New Year, New… Hemisphere!”
While my business is very much US based (which why I will be back here regularly!), I have long thought of myself as a Global Citizen. Yes, I’m Australian by birth, passport and accent. But borders are easier to cross the ever, air miles easier to accrue, and people easier to connect with than any time in human history.
I have also long held (or, perhaps more accurately, been held by) a strong sense of purpose to use my time and talents to empower people and organizations globally to live and lead with greater courage. Given the state of the world today – and the climate of uncertainty, economic insecurity and political instability – courage is more needed than ever. Today more than ever we have to be discerning between those fears that serve us and those which stifle. Today more than ever we must refuse to buy into dogma that drives us to create barriers rather than bridges. Today more than ever we have to refuse to think small, play safe and settle for less than that which honors who we are and the potential of who we can become.
Do you need to trade some of your answers for questions?
Every time I turn on the TV at the moment I hear fighting about how best to get the US economy back on track. Needless to say, I do not have the answer to that problem. But what I've noticed more and more is how steadfast people are in their refusal to ask more...
Do the holidays really need to be so stressful? Press “Pause”
Thanksgiving, and the festive season it kicks off, can be a very stressful time for many people. The Martha Stewart-like images of happy families, dressed in the lastest holiday fashion, sitting around a decadently decorated table feasting joyfully on gourmet delights, create expectations that can never measure up to reality. Then again, can reality ever measure up to glossy magazine covers? The impact it can have is to leave people feeling like something is missing from their lives. Here’s 5 strategies to help you enjoy more and stress less this turkey-leg season.
Sex, Power, Courage: Combatting Sexual Harassment & Abuse
Whether it’s being sexually harassed by a person at work in an authority position relative to us, or to being bullied by a colleague of the same gender, we have a role to play in how a relationship unfolds. Or doesn’t. We need to be clear in setting firm boundaries when the need arises and, when our warnings go unheeded, courageous in speaking up and raising the issues with people in authority who can intervene to address it. We must also be mindful about what we may implicitly be communicating around what we will and will not tolerate. Too often victims of sexual harassment have become such because they have not had the courage to say “Cut it out!”. Before we become a victim to anyone else, we are first a victim to our own fear. Whether it be fear of rocking the boat, being judged harshly or damaging career opportunities.
“Working hard at work worth doing.” Are you?
It is only human to feel sharp disappointment when we don’t achieve something we have worked hard toward. But our hard work and effort is never wasted. It truly is one of life’s deep joys to “work hard at work worth doing.” And working hard toward something that fills you with purpose and passion is always work worth doing – whether it be raising your family, fulfilling a long held dream, building a business that fulfills an unmet need or, writing a book to change lives.
Women in Leadership: Are we confining ourselves to a “Glass Cage”?
As women harness their own personal power, their potential to affect change in the world is vast. But harnessing the full quota of our power will demand a commitment to stepping courageously through the glass cage of beliefs, doubts and fears that may be limiting our leadership potential and impact.
Perfectionism: Are you stuck on the perfectionist merry-go-round?
The quest for perfectionism leaves us stuck on a merry-go-round that takes us around and around in circles, but never forward. The merry-go-round has no place for compassion. It is not tolerant of exposing vulnerability. There is no embracing those aspects of us that flawed; only berating them or trying to cover them up lest they be expose to those we seek to impress or prove our worthiness to. Stuck on the perfectionist merry-go-round we can’t move foreward. Only when we can see how it holds us back can we get off it.
