You’ve probably heard the furor about the fanatical Florida pastor who wants to burn copies of the Quran to mark the anniversary of 9/11. No wonder he’s only drawn 50 members to join his church. Thankfully most people are too intelligent to listen to this religious extremist each week as he espouses such untruths (he reckons Jesus would have done what he’s doing), preaches division and fuels hatred.
The fact is that we will never end extremism with extremism. Close-minded thinking will never put a halt to close-minded thinking. And righteous ignorant people will never enlighten righteous ignorant people.
While I don’t lay claim to enlightment, I do know that burning the holy books of other religions is a really unelightened, idiotic and odious thing to do. But to bring all of this madness back to the context of our own lives, away from book-burning ceremonies, you may notice how often people can be self-righteous, judgmental and close-minded in their everyday interactions with those around them. Not you of course. But that person you have to work with. Live next door to. Are related to (though only by marriage of course.) How many people do you know who fail to genuinely try to understand another’s perspective on an issue, and choose instead the path of superiority and righteousness? Who want to be understood but don’t take the time to understand?
The only way we can ever hope to understand is through conversation. The root of which comes from the Latin for “changing together.” So when you make the decision to understand another’s viewpoint, and they reciprocate, you cannot help but both be changed by the experience. You both walk away with a new, and expanded, world view. The key though is not to wait proudly for them to step up to the listening plate first. That responsibility rests with you.
Lasting peace can only be achieved through peaceful means. If you have to box someone in the nose, metaphorically speaking, in order to have your way or win your argument then, by default, someone else has to feel like they were boxed in the nose. (Same applies for burning their books). Sure, you may have won the battle but at what cost to the relationship? And at what cost to your identity and your future ability to win the trust of others? Whether in the relationship you have with your spouse or the relationship between Christians and Muslims, Republicans and Democrats, only through engaging in civil conversation in which the initial goal is to understand, rather than to be understood, can harmony emerge, collaboration grow, societies prosper and humanity advance. You may not be a Middle East peace negotiator, but you are a peace negotiator in every relationship you have. How can we ever hope to have world peace if we can’t first have peace in our home, in our workspace or local community?
So, I invite you to ask yourself: where might your need to be right, and to bring others around to your way of thinking, be getting in the way of growing mutual understanding, building trust and growing your influence? In short: where might you benefit from listening more and speaking less?
As illogical or loopy as their opinion may seem to you, it’s perfectly valid to them. And as obstinate or self-defensive as they may seem, the only chance you ever have of bridging the gap between your diverging perspectives (even if not your beliefs) is by being willing to listen first.
Sure you will never see eye to eye with everyone, nor would you want to (our relationships, organizations and the world at large are served by diversity), but just imagine how much more enjoyable and less stressful your life would be if all your relationships honored mutual respect. And how much more peaceful the world would be if all people felt they and their beliefs were given equal respect, justice and opportunity.
So next time you’re indignant at someone’s behavior or entering the downward spiral of conflict, take a step back, close your mouth, box your ego and it’s burning need to be right, and do the only logical and effective thing there is to do: – apply the Golden Rule: Listen to others as you would like them to listen to you.
I wonder if Pastor Jones has ever taken the time to read the Qu’ran which he insists on burning, or to get to know even one of the millions of good hearted and peace seeking Muslims who follow its teachings. I doubt it. He doesn’t have the courage.
well said , Thank YOU
I think that your article would be better received by saying that "self" righteousness is dangerous. Righteousness is necessary to hold us to the principles of integrity and freedom that call us to treat others with respect, dignity and tolerance.
You say tomatoe, I say tomaatoe! By definition rightiousness is being morally upright; without guilt or sin or morally justifiable. Weather the word self is included is irrevelent. It's actually a given.
Thanks Amy. Yes, you are right… self-righteous would have been more accurate. It's semantics and while self-respect is vital, self-righteousness is dangerous.
Good article.
This Pastor Dr Terry Jones,disgusting person. He seriously needs to read his Bible, cover to cover, already had his hind terribly burnt …before he can burn the Quran on 11 Sep….. Check the link below to see/read how badly he was mauled….. http://theuglytruth.wordpress.com/2010/08/31/past…
vast majority of Muslims do not see the Taliban as Muslims, in fact the Taliban were a creation of western powers to fight the Russians, in Mosques all over the world every friday extremism is condemned as are extremists but of course islamobhobes are not interested to hear that, the head of the largest Muslim organisation in world recently issued a fatwa and released a 400 page explanation on why the Taliban and their ilk are not any part of Islam but as stated the media in west will over look things like this because it is not the image they want the world to see.
Thanks Naz. If i were Muslim I know i would not want to be lumped in with that minority of people who preach such hatred and act so violently. The more educated we are about what Islam is, and what Islam is not, the better we will all be the world over. Likewise, for Christianity. As a Christian I would not like to be placed into the same bucket as the fanatical Pastor Jones. He gives us all a bad name!
Margie,
Thanks for this. It provides an excellent perspective on the pastor’s arrogance.
I advocate dialogue, not just any form of conversation, see: http://emotionalcompetency.com/dialogue.htm
and go on to draw distinctions between many modes of conversations: see: http://emotionalcompetency.com/tone.htm
Freedom of speech requires each of us to take responsibility for 1) what we say and also 2) what we believe as a result. The second responsibility requires each of us to have a well-developed theory of knowledge. See: http://emotionalcompetency.com/theoryofk.htm
I think there is a opportunity to cast the burning as an event within a robust democracy: he has the right to do stupid things, he represents only himself, and I choose not to be persuaded.
Thanks!
Margie,
Thanks for this. It provides an excellent perspective on the pastor’s arrogance.
I advocate dialogue, not just any form of conversation, see: http://emotionalcompetency.com/dialogue.htm
and go on to draw distinctions between many modes of conversations: see: http://emotionalcompetency.com/tone.htm
Freedom of speech requires each of us to take responsibility for 1) what we say and also 2) what we believe as a result. The second responsibility requires each of us to have a well-developed theory of knowledge. See: http://emotionalcompetency.com/theoryofk.htm
I think there is a opportunity to cast the burning as an event within a robust democracy: he has the right to do stupid things, he represents only himself, and I choose not to be persuaded.
Thanks!
Margie, thanks for such a well written and thoughtful article. Again, you seem to find a very valuable lesson from a very topical issue.
I have got to tell you…I couldn't agree more with you. When will we learn that we can't put out fire with fire?
Thanks for telling it like it is!!!
I have got to tell you…I couldn't agree more with you. When will we learn that we can't put out fire with fire?
Thanks for telling it like it is!!!
Yes, extremism cannot be fought with more of the same. Christians, Muslims, Jews… this isn't about religion, it's about the human desire to be superior. This pastor does Christians (and Americans) the world over a huge disservice. It is self righteous and stupid behavior like this that fuels the fires of those who seek to hurt us. Thanks for bringing logic and wisdom to the debate.
Indeed it does Timothy. Unfortunately religious righteousness is the cause of more division and death over the centuries than anything else. Religious tolerance, coupled with respect and understanding, brought about through conversations that build bridges, is the key to peace.
Margie, I struggle a lot with how to deal with righteous, arrogant or just small minded people. I will take your advice and work harder at trying to understand before ensuring i am understood here on in.
Thank you for sharing such great insights
Margie, I struggle a lot with how to deal with righteous, arrogant or just small minded people. I will take your advice and work harder at trying to understand before ensuring i am understood here on in.
Thank you for sharing such great insights
My thoughts on this particular issue @ hand are as follows –
the masses of people out there have a need to feel offended – in this case it's the Muslims (how many & what % – I haven't a clue) – it's been my observations that the "diehard/fanatical" religious followers are a hornets nest waiting to be disturbed – this then leads to "groupthink" & they're basically @ the mercy of their leaders (trust me on this as I'm a recovering Catholic – the things I've seen that people in my family & such base their happiness on boggles my mind)
this preacher has every right to do this even though it's assinine to the nth degree – the MSM is the culprit in spreading the hate in this instance because if it was ignored by the MSM – 99.99% of us wouldn't even know this guy existed
I'm very suspicious of the MSM – when "we" (the US/Isreal & whoever) took out a nuclear reactor in Syria (we have to take them @ their word) & Al-Jezeera didn't report it & we found out later (a year or so) – hmmm – go back to dead American soldier being dragged thru the streets & it's all over the place in no time – hmmm – I smell a rat feeding the mass consciousness to justify hatred & as a means to an end
my last point is to all Americans who think "why do the Muslims have their undies in a bunch over someone burning the Koran" – remember this – do you get your undies in a bunch if someone burns the American flag? the Bible? or any other symbol you hold so dear & someone else doesn't agree w/ it such as 10 commandments in courthouses? under God on our $? if so that's hypocrisy
OK – stepping off the soapbox – what this is showing us is that we all have "inner work" to do to become a Being of peace, love, understanding…
My thoughts on this particular issue @ hand are as follows –
the masses of people out there have a need to feel offended – in this case it's the Muslims (how many & what % – I haven't a clue) – it's been my observations that the "diehard/fanatical" religious followers are a hornets nest waiting to be disturbed – this then leads to "groupthink" & they're basically @ the mercy of their leaders (trust me on this as I'm a recovering Catholic – the things I've seen that people in my family & such base their happiness on boggles my mind)
this preacher has every right to do this even though it's assinine to the nth degree – the MSM is the culprit in spreading the hate in this instance because if it was ignored by the MSM – 99.99% of us wouldn't even know this guy existed
I'm very suspicious of the MSM – when "we" (the US/Isreal & whoever) took out a nuclear reactor in Syria (we have to take them @ their word) & Al-Jezeera didn't report it & we found out later (a year or so) – hmmm – go back to dead American soldier being dragged thru the streets & it's all over the place in no time – hmmm – I smell a rat feeding the mass consciousness to justify hatred & as a means to an end
my last point is to all Americans who think "why do the Muslims have their undies in a bunch over someone burning the Koran" – remember this – do you get your undies in a bunch if someone burns the American flag? the Bible? or any other symbol you hold so dear & someone else doesn't agree w/ it such as 10 commandments in courthouses? under God on our $? if so that's hypocrisy
OK – stepping off the soapbox – what this is showing us is that we all have "inner work" to do to become a Being of peace, love, understanding…
Thanks for the article Margie…
Can I comment on what I hear going on… Sure this Pastor has stirred up a heck of a lot of intense feelings and really significant sentiment – one could call it a groundswell! I wonder – what is he really trying to say? Does anyone know? What would posess him to come out with such a concept? What is it he is trying to burn? I want people to look just a little deeper… I am not saying he is right – I don't know enough about the Taliban or Muslim faith or the Quran to comment as an expert. I do, however, feel that we are pretty quick to shut people down when they are trying to communicate. Active listening is the first step to understanding. Again – what is he really saying? I believe that many people are guilty of not listening – also listening from a premeditated point of view. Be very careful of applying perceptions to the message where a perception could be so easily misinterpreted (by the weight of public opinion for example). Margie, courage is about communicating a message that one feels (for some reason) needs to be heard. I believe Jesus did this a lot – and was shut down for it on more than one occasion… I am off to do some more study to really understand the message here…
My initial reaction to the mosque being built was a bit mixed. As an Egyptian American Muslim that loves this country for all its freedoms, I thought that any religion has the right to build their place of worship anywhere. For a muslim like me, the usual mosque is where you go to pray, greet people you haven't seen and leave. We don't have this westernized style community center associated with mosques back in the middle east. So the thought of having a swimming pool, hang-out areas, cafeteria's..wow!
Gigi
My initial reaction to the mosque being built was a bit mixed. As an Egyptian American Muslim that loves this country for all its freedoms, I thought that any religion has the right to build their place of worship anywhere. For a muslim like me, the usual mosque is where you go to pray, greet people you haven't seen and leave. We don't have this westernized style community center associated with mosques back in the middle east. So the thought of having a swimming pool, hang-out areas, cafeteria's..wow!
Gigi
But in my gut, i thought, if many American's were offended by it being too close and the wounds in this country were still open, I would advise to move the mosque a few blocks away just for the sake of compromise. Then came this quran burning Pastor that became famous for all the wrong reasons. Crowds of people saying the meanest things about my religion and my heritage…..I was mad. I had a temporary lapse in rationality and decency and thought, "Build the mosque..no matter what…i don't care how angry people get". Its not in my nature to fan the flames of controversey especially on this issue. But when i think of my sister in law who got heckled at the mall for wearing a head scarf or my mom's face when someone wrote "terrorist" on her Egyptian Daily newspaper, or when someone vandilizes our local mosque, I turn into this angry person. A type of person that I never want to be.
Maintaining the course of mutual understanding and respect when dealing with others will always remain my main objective and when i read the kind words of others it really warms my heart.
gigi
Teenage is the best age of learning so all parents should focus on their kids who are wasting their time on internet by playing games and watching movies that will never benefit them.
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