One evening last week a girlfriend dropped in for an impromptu visit and said she needed a glass of wine. Being the good friend I am I dutifully shared a bottle with her. Which was all fine until the next morning when I realized that I’d forgotten to set my alarm and missed one of my kids parent teacher interviews at 7.15. Needless to say, when I rang him to apologize I felt very badly. He couldn’t have been nicer but still, I dropped the ball big time.
And then, over the weekend, I snapped at my son as I was driving him to basketball… or was it soccer or a friends house… too long ago to remember. He was flipping through radio stations to the point that it was doing my head in. I could have gently asked him to leave the dial alone. But no, I snapped. He recoiled, hurt. Aggggh…I am sooo not a perfect mum.
And now, today I am writing this article. Or trying to. Wishing I could up with the perfect words to write to change your life forever. Alas, I’m guessing I will fall far short.
And so it is that I go through my days, often slipping up, messing up, and failing to live up to the expectations and standards I have for myself. I am sooo not perfect. In fact if you were to measure the distance between me and perfect, it would have be done in light years.
At the heart of “perfectionism” lies a fear of not being good enough; of not being “worthy” just as we are. This fear drives us into an illusive quest to live up to a standard that is simply unattainable.
Which has me thinking – who ever said I was supposed to be? More so, how can I respond more compassionately and constructively with myself when I slip up, mess up, and fall far short of being the model mother, wife, friend, writer, courage evangelist, and human being that I aspire to be. I know that I’m not alone in my tendency to beat myself up when I fall down and compare myself to those who seem to be sooo much better (and closer to “perfect”) than I am.
Don’t get me wrong though – I have no bone to pick with perfectionists. [Read more…]