How often have you met a really smart person who did really dumb things? The reality is that our E.Q. (Emotional Intelligence) determines our success in our work, our relationships, and life far more profoundly than our ability to computer mathematical equations. And the good news is that unlike your I.Q. which is relatively fixed, your E.Q. is something you can build as you age. Which is why I find the concept of “Emotional Intelligence” so intriguing, and its application so compelling.
I’ve spent the last week travelling around the US speaking to some really smart people. Yet despite meeting plenty people with IQs likely far higher than my own (not that I’ve ever had it tested mind you), the issues that people have shared with me again and again – like how to deal with difficult colleagues, navigate office politics, influence without authority, manage conflict, build collaboration, say no to pushy people, find time to exercise, give critical feedback, engage unmotivated employees and be more highly valued as a leader – are not one’s that can be solved through a high IQ, but with a strong EQ.
We human beings are innately emotional creatures. As Daniel Goleman wrote in his groundbreaking book Emotional Intelligence, “Emotions guide everything we do.” Of course some people are naturally better at managing their emotions than others, but none of us have any choice about whether or not we emote. In fact, we emote before we even reason. What gets us in trouble, and can drive us to act in brainless way, is that, left unchecked, emotions can trump reason. And when they do we have what psychologists have coined a “Neural Hijack.” When something in our environment triggers the primitive part of our brain (called the Amygdala), it springs instantly into action, high jacking the thinking part of our brain (the Neo-Cortex). Unless we intervene to short circuit that reactive response, our amygdala bypasses logic, rationalism and reason. Neural highjack ensues. The result is rarely pretty. [Read more…]