I recently read that 60% of Americans lose their temper at least once per week. I’d like to tell you I wasn’t in that number but alas, my kids would tell you otherwise.
Of course losing our temper is what happens when we fail to keep our anger in check. Something (or someone) pushes our buttons and, unable to contain our anger, we explode. The result is never pretty. Last week I was asked to talk about anger on Better TV. Despite my occasional outbursts at my kids I wouldn’t say I am a particularly angry person. Which got me thinking, why are some people constantly angry while others seem perpetually serene and calm? And for the majority of us who fall somewhere in the middle, how can we process the emotion of anger in more constructive ways?
First let me repeat what I wrote in my book Find Your Courage. Anger, on its own, is neither good nor bad. Rather it’s a natural emotion that arises when we perceive an injustice to ourselves or others. The problem does not arise when we have anger. It arises when anger has us. It’s how we respond to it that determines whether it is helpful to our relationships (by addressing valid issues that threaten to undermine them) and good for society (by working to end injustice) – or damaging to our relationships, destructive to our circumstances and plain old bad for our health (think heart disease, depression, ulcers…I’d go on but it doesn’t get better!). In other words, our response to anger ultimately creates more suffering for us and others, or less. It all hinges on how we process and express it.
Learning to manage anger isn’t easy. It takes a heightened level of self-awareness, a good dose of discipline and a robust commitment to [Read more…]