The shootings at the military base in Fort Hood last week were tragic. There is no upside. Twelve good men and women now lie dead. Thirty others are still recovering from injuries. Countless more are still weighted down with incredible grief and shock and anger as they come to terms with the loss of those they loved and served their country with.
No doubt in the weeks ahead we will hear a lot about the possible motivations and warped thinking of Nidal Hassan, the man accused of murdering these people. This psychiatrist will find himself being psycho-analyzed again and again and again. And at the end of it all, we will still be left with more questions than answers. We will also be left wondering, is there anywhere that we can feel safe anymore? Who can we really trust? How could the warning signs from such an unstable person been missed?
I do not want to focus this newsletter on why Nidal Hassan did what he did. Nor on who he is. Nor on what systemic malfunction permitted him to be in the role he was. Lord knows the media are working overtime doing that. Rather I think it is of more value to you (and me) to explore how we, in the face of such an event which has triggered such intense horror and grief, can continue to move forward as wholehearted, trusting, compassionate and courageous people?
Sadness, horror, grief, anger, disillusionment – all of these are normal and healthy emotions which help us navigate our way through life and point us to what matters most to us. The well-being of those we love, our own safety and security and the importance of loyalty . . . to our friends, to our colleagues, to our country.
If we don’t own our emotions, they own us. Acknowledging our emotions is crucial if we are not to be consumed by them. Every emotion you feel is legitimate. It is also constructive. . . to a point. If your anger motivates you to address a perceived injustice then that is a good thing. If your fear motivates you to do get out of harm’s way then that is also a good thing. Likewise if your sadness helps you realize how much you care about something (or someone) then that is a good thing too. However there is an important difference between emotions that positively motivate us and those that control us. Sadly, all too often emotions like anger and fear take such a firm hold on our psyche that they cloud our thinking and drive us to to act in ways that sabotage our relationships, suck the joy out of our lives and create profound suffering.