“Life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you.”
This was a chapter title in my book Brave.
It’s also a maxim I’ve had to remind myself of many times in recent years as my well laid plans have derailed and I’ve found myself in circumstances that were a far cry from those I’d been working toward.
I won’t go into the messy details (which I shared in You’ve Got This!). Suffice to say that the plot twist which brought me to Singapore 3 ½ years ago was not part of my vision four years ago!
Yet amid the family disruption and the challenges of parenting four children across the globe, this chapter of my life living in Asia has been tremendously rewarding, deeply broadening and wholly transformative – both personally and professionally. (Being named a Linked In Top Voice last week beside Singapore’s Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong affirmed just how much.)
Long before Covid-19 turned jolted us all from our comfort zones, I was forced to embrace my own advice that “growth and comfort can’t ride the same horse” and to look within myself for the certainty I couldn’t find elsewhere. In the process, I’ve discovered new reserves of resilience and developed new dimensions of courage that I’d never have otherwise.
Which brings me to how life has worked for me in recent years.
For starters, I’ve had learnt that when we trust in ourselves, and not in our doubts (those little voices that magnify your fears and highjack your thinking), we expand our capacity to cope better with life’s pressures and problems.
I’ve learnt that however bad things may seem right now, they don’t stay that way forever. More so, that the “worst thing that ever happened” can ultimately turn out to be the best thing… if you zoom up high enough.
I’ve also learnt that life is far more of an improv act than a Broadway show. While we may like to think we can map out the sequence of events, in truth, we have a lot less control over the larger events in our lives than we like to think. As such, it serves us to let go our attachment to how life “should” be and to move with life’s unfolding, not railing against it.
Which is why, as I prepare to move back to the USA (my latest plot twist), I’m opening my arms wide to the next chapter in this wild and wondrous adventure we call life.
Will the road ahead be smooth? I don’t know. But having had to lean into life’s curves in recent years, I know that whatever unfolds ahead, I’ll be okay.
And so too will you!
In this recent Live Brave Podcast (episode 83) I share how the dots in life never connect forward, only backward, and how by surrendering our resistance to how life is, we expand our capacity to improve our future.
Given how many people have found themselves also wondering, “Why this? Why me? Why now?” in 2020, I’m hoping it will inspire you to keep faith that the dots will all connect in your own life. It may just require a little patience for now.
Whatever you’re facing right now, keep faith that life is all working out for you, not happening to you. And should the uncertainty of this time trigger your imagination to race ahead and start “fear-casting” all sorts of worse case scenarios, take yourself somewhere quiet, reconnect to your breath and remind yourself that you are bigger than any problem you face.
Then, once you’ve grounded yourself in that self-certainty, recommit to showing up today from a place of faith, not fear.
It will not only spare you an enormous amount of unhelpful stress and anxiety (which is quite exhausting!) But it will expand your emotional, intellectual, physical and spiritual capacity to respond to whatever challenges you’re facing with that much more confidence, creativity and courage. Now, off to do some packing. A new chapter, a new adventure, and new learning await.
