When I left my parents’ farm for university in the “big city” of Melbourne, I had no clue what lay ahead. But I was determined to make my way.

The first in my family to go to uni, I still remember what my dad (who left school at 15 and spent 50 years milking cows) said when I told him I’d be majoring in marketing:

“Why do you need to go to university to work in a market?”

That first year was equal parts challenge and growth. I had to stand on my own two feet, emotionally and financially, almost overnight, including finding a place to live through the newspaper ads (that’s what “country kids” did back then). The harder adjustment, though, was social as I learned to navigate a world that was far more sophisticated than the one I’d grown up in.

I felt like a duck out of water.

On the outside, I held it together. Underneath, I was desperate to fit in and constantly waiting for the penny to drop – certain that sooner or later, people would see through me to the farm girl – a “bogan” from the bush – who didn’t really belong. Admittedly, being asked more than once by fellow students “How did you get into this degree?” didn’t help.

Wind the clock forward almost 40 years, and I was recently back with alumni from that same university. This time, in Prato, Italy (just outside Florence) at the Monash Global Leaders Summit. (Pics below. No prize for spotting the one of the girl straight from the bush!)

Monash Global Leaders Summit, Monash Prato Campus, Italy 2026

The backdrop was spectacular – the Tuscan mix of golden light, good food, and hilltop castles feels almost engineered to make you pinch yourself. But it was the people who’d flown in from across the world who made it extraordinary. I was honored to lead a session on leading boldly, and to close the conference with a Q&A alongside Monash University Vice Chancellor Sharon Pickering, whose leadership is a masterclass in courage and authenticity.

The whole experience got me thinking about belonging as I often meet people, amazingly accomplished people, who have shared a similar feeling. Maybe it’s not farm-to-city. Maybe it’s the boardroom that’s a long way from where you started, or the room full of people who all seem to know something you don’t.

Perhaps you can point to the reason for feeling like an outsider – a different resume, a humbler pathway, a different accent or custom or style that doesn’t match the room. But as I’ve come to learn since my first day of university when I rocked up with in perm and patent stilettos (because I thought city kids were dressed fancy…wrong):

Our feeling of not belonging is often less about “I’m not good enough” and more “I am not one of them.”

If we believe we’re not ‘one of them,’ we’ll find evidence that confirms it. And if we wait for other people to tell us we belong before we’re willing to act like we do, we risk spending our entire lives feeling like an outsider.

It’s why being in Italy, surrounded by a remarkable group of leaders – alumni from the same university where I once felt like such an outsider – yet feeling right at home this time, was such a full-circle moment. One that gave me pause to reflect.

Not just on my growth during those formative years at Monash (where, for the record, I never did learn how to work a market). But on all the years since. Learning to navigate new continents and cultures. Having to refind my place in spaces where no one knew my name, and I felt like a newcomer all over again.

And again.

Life has always been my best curriculumn. So I’ve learned some valueble lessons on belonging from all my many moves and moments of feeling like an outsider. Perhaps the most important learning I’ve gained is this:

You can’t belong anywhere until you belong to yourself first.

Our sense of belonging in any room or place – new or old – is limited by how much we first belong to ourselves. Sure of our identity. Sure of our worth. Whether or not we feel fully known or included by others.

So here’s what I’d tell that eighteen-year-old Margie as she struggled to find her place and people, and what I’d tell you too:

Belonging isn’t something a room grants you once you’ve proven yourself worthy of it. It’s something you decide for yourself, and then act from – sometimes before others have caught up. Even if they never do.

So wherever you are, however far you’ve come from wherever you started, I have a question for you:

What would change if you stopped waiting for permission, and simply decided you belong?

It hurts my heart to think of the collective energy lost by uniquely talented people hustling to prove they belong instead of simply showing up as wholly worthy of every room they enter. As Brené Brown once wrote, true belonging isn’t about changing who you are to fit in – it’s about being who you are and letting that be enough.

So if you ever catch that insecure eighteen-year-old still living inside you trying to puff to prove you belong out or shrink down because you’re afraid you don’t, let me be the one to give you permission to belong. Not that you need it from me. But start there for today, and then claim it for yourself.

If you are living life fully, you will often find yourself in new rooms with people who know things you don’t. There will always be people who arrive with credentials or connetions that make it seem like they were born to sit at the table. Wish them well. But remember, they haven’t come by the path you have and so they cannot bring what you bring.

So decide you belong today. Then live from that place. The world will eventually catch up. But truth is, you never needed it to.

Margie