Some days are surreal, glamorous, and ironic.

Last Friday was one of them.

WEDNESDAY: A booking glitch landed me in the smallest hotel room in New York… in a bunk bed!

My ego protested. The wiser part of me saw the humor. Particularly when I had to prop my laptop up on two pillows over my suitcase to do a TV interview so it didn’t look like I was in a bunk room.

FRIDAY: I’m on a private jet to speak at an event. Full VIP treatment. My ego relished it. The wiser part of me knew to savor the moment but not let my head swell.

I’m sharing both moments because the contrast was stark—and the reminder important:

Keep your ego in check and your humor on hand.

Of course, flying private is pretty darn nice and sleeping in a bunk bed in shoebox… not so much. There’s nothing wrong with wanting more of the former and less of the latter.

Yet I regularly speak with people who are captive to their ego. Some whose esteem hangs on by a thread to external markers of status. Others—some who always fly private—who live with a lingering anxiety of falling behind or losing status symbols that form the scaffolding of their identity.

Fear belies their questions:

Who am I if no longer have this title?

Who am I if I have to go back to flying coach?

Who am I if I lose my VIP status or looks or …?

Precisely.

Who are you if not ‘that’?

Answering this question requires looking inward, not outward. Only when your answer is self-referenced—rooted in your own values rather than external validation—can you feel the unshakeable sense of worthiness that everyone craves but so too few find.

In a world that measures success by numbers we all get regular opportunities to manage our ego (like when your hotel room resembles your kid’s dorm).

When you outsource your identity to external markers, you forfeit your greatest source of security.

But when you define yourself by values you want to measure your life by—integrity, courage, generosity, humility, service—you loosen ego’s grip and, with it, the anxiety of having the red carpet pulled out from beneath you. 

In the process, you spare yourself the downward shame spiral that siphons your power and free yourself to lighten up and laugh when you’re stuck at the back of the plane surrounded by screaming kids. (In my case, often my own.)

This is what it means to live powerfully. This is what it takes to lead bravely.

Because when you tame your ego enough to know that no title will validate you, no situation will diminish you, and no external measure will ever define you—you unlock true freedom and power.

Power to lead boldly.

Power to show up authentically.

Power to inspire others to claim that same liberation.

Here’s to more of every type of experience that connects you to that power.