Get What You Want: 6 Tips To Make Bold Requests

Published on 21 June 2010 by Margie Warrell in Blog, Challenges @ Work, Courageous Conversations, Featured, Relationship Stress

0

Think of a situation that’s causing you to feel resentful, frustrated, unappreciated or overwhelmed. We all experience them but often we don’t have the courage to do what it takes to change them. Maybe it’s a boss who has unreasonable expectations; a neighbor or co-worker who’s become a pest; or a spouse who seems to be taking us for granted.

If you aren’t getting something you really want then it may be because you just aren’t asking for it. Complaining about your problems never solves them; whining about unmet needs never fulfills them. When you get clear about what you want, and are willing to ask for it, you will experience not only a lot less stress in your life, but greater success in your relationships, your career and your life over all. Here are six tips to help you on your way.

Here are six tips to help you on your way.

1. Don’t assume others are mind readers. We often assume our spouses, bosses, work colleagues and even our good friends can read our minds. So when don’t act as we’d like, we wind up hurt and upset. Of course, for any relationship to thrive, both parties have to take responsibility for communicating their needs. Hints just don’t cut it. Whether it’s how you’d like, your colleague to communicate with you about a work project, or how you’d like your partner to engage in foreplay, it’s crucial to be assertive in conveying what you want.

2. Be bold in your requests. When it comes to asking for what you really want, the Latin proverb “Fortes fortuna adiuvat” sums it up perfectly: “Fortune favors the bold”. The reality is you will rarely, if ever, be given more than what you have the courage to ask for. So don’t dilute your requests in order to minimize the possibility of being turned down. Think about what your ideal outcome would be and then confidently, courageously, ask for it. While you may not always get as much as you asked for (whether it be a pay rise or the corner office) you are going to get a lot more than what you would have otherwise received. [...]

Could you be making bigger, better and BOLDER requests?

Published on 09 August 2009 by Margie Warrell in Challenges @ Work, Courageous Conversations, Featured, Get Unstuck, Relationship Stress

1

As you read the title of this post perhaps you were thinking “umm… I don’t know… could I?”. If that was the case for you then I want you to begin by thinking about something in your life that is not how you would like it to be right now: a person who is annoying you, a situation which is causing you to feel overwhelmed or frustrated or unappreciated, something you would like but aren’t getting. It doesn’t have to be something huge… but it might be! The only criterion is that it’s something that isn’t the way you would ideally like it to be.

Now think about what specifically it is in regard to this “issue” that you would need to be different for you to feel better about it; or put another way, for there to be no issue at all.

Finally, ask yourself whether or not you have made a clear request to have this need fulfilled?

My experience is that often [...]

5 Steps to Speaking Up About the Stuff that Weighs you Down

Published on 15 January 2009 by Margie Warrell in Courageous Conversations, Relationship Stress

0

Suffering some relationship stress? In any relationship issues will inevitably arise from time to time that have the potential to create tension and conflict. It is not the issues themselves which are the main cause for relationship breakdown but how you go about addressing them. Many of us struggle to effectively speak up about the issues that are causing us to feel resentful, frustrated or downright angry with the result being that what isn’t talked out gets acted out — in cheap shots, innuendos, moodiness, the “silent treatment.” Needless to say, the cost can be profound. Not only can it undermine the mood in your family, friendships or workplace but it can have a serious impact on your emotional, mental and physical health.

5 Steps for Mustering Up Your Courage to Speak Up

1. Box Your Ego
Every conversation provides an opportunity to build or erode trust. As tempting as it may be to make the other person wrong in order to make yourself right, doing so never serves you or your relationship. Your ego’s prime concern is you looking good (or avoiding looking bad). Putting your ego in its box means letting go of your need to play safe or to win your case; to resort to silence or violence. Instead reflect on what you really want to achieve for yourself, the other [...]