Margie Warrell

I am a courageous, positive woman because the demon of cancer invaded my right breast. The year was 1999 the month August.  Many people were enjoying the lazy days of summer, sipping lemonade in the great outdoors.  I was spending my days in doctor’s offices and the hospital. My calendar had more doctor appointments written in each square than social events. My annual mammogram showed a suspicious spot. A needle aspiration was performed and the results breast cancer. When you hear your name used in the same sentence as cancer your life becomes shattered. I was forty eight years of age and a picture of good health. Married for twenty six years and two wonderful children, a daughter in college and a son a senior in high school. One of the hardest things about hearing the word cancer is telling the ones you love. You first must allow the word cancer to settle into your body and soul.

I told each of my family members separately. I wanted this realization to be shared with one family member at a time. I started out by saying I want you to know that I am going to be fine. I knew from the start of my cancer journey we as a family would hold tight and fight this disease together. Cancer affects an entire family. A lumpectomy was performed and all went well. No surprises! For two weeks I was not allowed to work or drive. This was my time to allow people to take care of me.  This was hard because I have always been the giver not the receiver.

My surgeon suggested I go to see an oncologist. No way oncologists use words like chemotherapy and radiation. As much as I did not want to see this doctor I went. The doctor suggested that I receive eight chemos and thirty-three radiations. The treatment would span over six months. I did not like hearing these words but I also wanted to live a life free of cancer. With sweating palms and nerves of steel I entered the world of chemo. As I sat with chemo dripping into my veins I looked upon the faces of other chemo patients. I saw upon their faces the look of fear and illness. I decided that I would make the most of my chemo time. When I entered the chemo center for my second treatment I embraced the day with a different outlook. With a girl friend by my side and Little Debbie snack cakes in hand my second chemo began dripping. Offering snacks to other chemo patients open the door of friendship. Conversation started and names were exchanged the doors of friendship were opened. After my second chemo I was bald, instead of wearing a wig to chemo I decided to wear a funny hat. Laughter was heard the minute I entered the chemo room. After all laughter is the best medicine.

During my six months in the chemo center I befriended three ladies about my age that were also victims of cancer. We were on the same treatment schedule so once a month I would see these ladies in the cancer center. We always sat together as chemo was dripping into our veins. We would share funny stories and laughter. One day one of the chemo girls brought in a bottle of wine. We toasted each other with a sip of wine from a bathroom Dixie cup. Our doctor heard what we were doing and told us no one had ever drank wine during chemo, he just laughed and continued seeing patients. Not only did we make the most of our chemo time we would include another chemo patients as well. When one of us finished our chemo treatments we would have a party in the chemo center. This was a celebration of life party. We filled the chemo center with balloons and food was provided for all chemo patients. After spending six months together We decided it was important to stay in touch.We would meet for lunch and continue to love and encourage each other, and of course we would laugh. We would invite other ladies who were victims of cancer. We started meeting for dinner and a sisterhood of cancer survivors was started.

One night as I lay sleeping a voice woke me up and told me I needed to start a cancer support group. I knew nothing about starting a support group. I gave thought to this idea for several days. With much prayer I realized that this was a mission that God had planned for me in my life. I continued to meet my chemo friends for dinner and soon our cancer sisterhood started to grow. My doctors would call me and tell me that they had a cancer victim they really needed a friend to encourage them. I would call these ladies and talk to them about living a positive life. One night as I was meeting my cancer friends for dinner my husband asked me “hey when you ladies are all together in one room, do you glow.” He made this comment because all of us had received radiation. I stopped in my tracks and knew the name of my support group would be The Glow Girls. The name reflects Gracious Loving Optimistic Women living with Cancer. I never put an add in the paper, but through friends, neighbors and family our sisterhood started to grow. I now realize that God had a plan for my life. Walking in the shoes of cancer has given me opportunities that never would have existed had I not had breast caner. I am the president and founder of The Glow Girls Inc. My mailing list consists of fifty women living with cancer. We are no longer just a group of ladies who meet once a month for dinner. We celebrate being survivors by giving back to our community. We make love baskets and take them to our local cancer centers. In these baskets are items that will make a lady feel loved. Just recently we started making love baskets for men because they need to feel the love also. We make fleece blankets and take them to our local children’s hospital. Each cancer child receives a bright colored blanket to keep them warm during chemo. We also support our local home for domestic violence. We make up kits containing bath soap, body lotion, Kleenex etc. When a women leaves her house because of violence she often leaves with the clothes on her back. Once she settles into the safe house she is given a bag of important items from The Glow Girls. We also volunteer at the Hospice House. We do gardening and provide food for their family kitchen. All of our projects are funded by us. We have been blessed to receive some monies from different organization but many times we dip down deep into our own pockets. We take care of each other. When a Glow Girl needs a pot of soup a pot of soup she receives. When she needs a ride to see a Doctor or receive chemo a Glow Girls is always available.

Twelve years have come and gone since I first heard the words you have cancer. It has truly been an amazing journey. My cancer support group is alive and well. It continues to grow and these ladies are the best. When the Glow Girls are together many hugs are exchanged. We do not give medical advice but we do talk about medical treatments and medications that we have received. No negative words are spoken and laughter is always heard.

I know that God looked down from the heavens and picked me to help women living with cancer. Since my journey began I have become a public speaker. I speak to groups about living a positive life no matter what their journey may be. I have stories published in Chicken Soup for the Breast Cancer Survivor’s Soul, Chicken Soup for the Beach Lover’s Soul and Chicken Soup-My Resolution.

I am not the women I used to be. Cancer has allowed be to live my dreams. Things that I once thought impossible are now possible. Cancer has created in me courage and inspiration to be an inspiring woman.

I am now a twelve year breast cancer survivor and I am living my dreams.

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Submitted by Vinoth on 2/9/10

I truly accept your front line heading “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” Coming from a small town in India , I have always been brought up saying speaking our heart is not good manners and does not align with the society. Coming from such a background I have always been introverted and was unable to speak my heart. The one thing that I lacked was courage to live my life as I was living others’ lives. After reading your book and a host of other books I have done the following things which I would not have done earlier.

I spoke with my boss regarding the way I feel. I knew very well by speaking it out I was pointing a straight finger at him and risked losing my job. I knew I was speaking the truth which is always hard but at least speaking my heart out made me feel better and helped improve my self -esteem. In fact things have improved 100% better.

I always believed in dreaming big and achieving big but again my background proved to be a hindrance due to financial pressures and other commitments but that did not stop me from dreaming big and I have written journals and am a Guest Editor of a springer journal for 2010. I have started doing my Ph.D. in Information Systems and have started believing that the world listens to good thoughts and always big dreams coupled with the right strategy and hard work will bring wonders. [...]

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Submitted by Judy 2/9/10

My story starts last Feb when an old friend from 35 years ago found me through my sister’s classmates site. We emailed for a few times then on Valentine’s Day he called for the first time.

Keith lived in S. Jersey and I here in Baltiimore. We finally met up May 16th last year when I drove up for the day. As I tell Keith, he had me from the first hug (as there was already pre-chemistry before we met).

As I said it had been 35 yrs since we had seen each other, so we had a lot of catching up to do.

I was recently divorced after a 28 year marraige and 7 kids. He had also been married and in another relationship that each produced a child.

Where my courage comes in is the rest of the story.

We spent the whole day together and decided to go forward with our relationship. Prior to meeting up again, I found out some things about Keith, he had been living a pretty “wild” life up to this time. He had spent time in prison and had been involved with drugs and alcohol for most of his life. [...]

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Submitted by Ginny on 1/6/10

When my 2 children were newborn and 22 months old respectively, I faced a challenging time. I am sure everyone feels challenged with children, especially newborns! But I felt like I was in survival mode. It was January and a record-snowy winter. My husband’s work hours meant that I was on my own A LOT, my friends were all working, and we weren’t in a financial position to be enrolling in Gymboree-type programs. I felt a little helpless, and couldn’t understand what had happened to the once-competent business owner that I once was. Then I looked around at all the people who had children, and wondered how they survived. I decided that no matter how supermom you are, or not, the sun comes up tomorrow and your kids are one day older. I knew my kids would be fine, I just needed to support my mind! With that I decided not to wallow any longer, packed my kids up for the park and set out. Over the next few weeks of park visits, I sought out other women who were in similar, or sometimes even very different situations. The two things we had in common were our geography and our kids. I started a rotating playgroup/coffeetime which cost nothing but a pot of coffee and some animal crackers when it was your turn to host. Nobody looked at the dustbunnies on your floor when they visited, we just chatted and supported and comiserated and celebrated. It took some guts to approach and propose my idea to this group of women, but I can safely say that this group got me through the darkest months of that winter and beyond with less ‘survival’ and a lot more smiles.

Submitted by Ginny on 1/6/10

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Submitted by Katie 1/4/10

This past year and a half have been possibly the most difficult of my life. My husband and I own a business together in a dying industry. This business was owned by my parents for years, and they ran it successfully for all of those years. They retired at the top of their game and we excitedly took the business over. Little did we know the market would turn, the industry would change, and I would dive into the murky depths of depression.

My husband and I had a decision to make: close the business and declare bankruptcy, or evolve. Evolving would mean massive change — even more blood, sweat and tears put into our business, even less time with our two young children, more money problems and potentially more marital stress.

I was afraid. Very afraid. I was afraid of failing. I was afraid of not knowing how to evolve. I was afraid of not knowing what I was doing. I was afraid of having to face my business peers after failing. I was so focused on what could go wrong, it was difficult for me to see what could go right. The option of closing our doors would be so much less painful, even with declaring bankruptcy. How crazy is that? I network constantly for my business, so why couldn’t I actually learn from the success stories that I heard about daily? Stories that all involved fear and failure at the beginning, and all involved success in the end. All of these people were right there in front of me and yet I was still afraid to reach out to any of them.

So, what did I do? I saw a therapist. I read your book. And I talked to my husband. And talked and talked and talked. We decided to go on a business retreat, just the two of us, to face the reality that I was so willing to deny. During that retreat, we did something amazing — created our vision board. Only then could I see that our dreams could be reality and while it might be hard, it can be done. As it has been done by so many successful people around us.

Then, I reached out to some business people I admire, swallowed my pride, and asked the most important question I could ask: “How did you do it?” And then I listened. And listened. Took notes, and listened some more. And you know what these people did for me? They called back with more ideas for me to help me grow my business! And they referred me to other people who could help me grow my business. There was no judgement, no question that I couldn’t survive and even accomplish every dream that I have. Their faith in me helped me conquer that fear that laid in the pit of my stomach. They gave me the foundation to believe in myself.

I don’t know what 2010 will hold for me, but I can tell you this. I’m no longer afraid. Evolving is so much more exciting to me than just rolling over and dying. And I’m going to just keep reaching out to people and listening.

Submitted by Katie 1/4/10

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Submitted by Karyl Marlow on 1/4/10

My courage path started with a tragedy. My father-in-law, Dick, who was truly my second father crashed flying his restored Globe Swift Airplane and perished; my mother-in-law was critically injured but miraculously survived. Dick and my husband Bruce shared a love of aviation. When Dick passed away, Bruce lost his father, best friend, and his aviation comrade.

After the shock and grief, I came to grips with my reality. My husband also a private pilot still loved to fly. I loved the mode of transportation but I needed to overcome my fear. I figured out that my fear was based on the unknown of piloting a small airplane. I also realized that if my mother-in-law had known how to fly an airplane, she might have been able to save her husband’s life and herself from serious injury. I decided that if I were to continue flying with my husband I needed to know how to fly.

After many months of training, I took my first solo flight at our small airport. On my way over to my flight, I stopped at Dick’s hangar. I wanted Dick to be with me today — it is because of him and Bruce and their love of flight that I am on this particular journey. I opened the large hangar door and played “The Star Spangled Banner” as Dick would have done. As tears welled up in my eyes, I decided I needed to straighten up so I could fly right, or perhaps that is what Dick would have jokingly said.

After a preflight on the airplane, my instructor Adam came out and we proceeded on a normal training flight to make a few takeoffs and landings. After the first landing, Adam signed me off to solo. When he got out, I felt surprisingly calm. I began my checklist, restarting the plane, made my call on the radio and taxied to the run up area. As I stopped, I looked over at Dick’s hangar and a calm came over me. Dick was with me, in spirit, my wingman.

I was feeling confident since my previous two landings were good. The plane lifted off sooner since it was lighter without my instructor. Once around the airport pattern and I made a smooth landing. Yahoo! That was great, what was I worried about? Two more take offs and landings, the third landing was beautiful, something a seasoned pilot would be proud of, I was proud of. After I cleared the runway for the last time and made my radio call, I gave a little yee-ha at the end of it. Immediately someone asked if that was my first solo, which I acknowledged followed by, “Good job, beautiful landing, you sound professional on the radio.” It is amazing my head could still fit under the canopy. I was on the ground, my heart, and ego was on cloud nine, I did it!

I continued my flight training and received my private pilot’s license. I am now my husband’s aviation comrade and my fear has ebbed. I continue to fly and learn something about aviation and myself every time I take off.

I walk a little taller, feel more confident, and smiled a little broader every day. As Dick would have said, “It doesn’t get any better than this.”

Submitted by Karyl Marlow on 1/4/10

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Submitted by Gigi on 11/5/09

When I think of courage, I think of someone saving a child from a burning building or people who dedicate their lives for the sake of justice. I personally have little resemblance to a courageous person and consider myself more of a coward. I am always worried and assuming the worst. It is easy to see it in my face. I’m an open book and the pages are all associated with fear and worry.

A few years ago, my younger brother was hospitalized with major stomach pains. The doctors weren’t sure what was wrong and he was in the hospital for two weeks. I was with him in the hospital room by the end of those two weeks when my brother begged the doctor to go home. He finally released him with me in what I saw was a reluctant decision because of pressure from my brother to escape. I was scared.

Later that night, my brother felt major pains in his stomach again. He tried to hide it but we all knew he had to go back. He cried and pleaded not to go to the hospital but I grabbed his hand and said we had to go. The fear in his eyes killed me inside. On the way to the hospital, all that was going through my head is “they don’t know what is wrong with him and he is going to die in this condition. What will my life be like without my only sibling? I have to start mentally preparing myself for the worst.”

When they admitted him into the hospital, the doctor on call said he had an intestinal blockage and that he would have to put a tube in his nose again to empty his stomach. My brother detested that tube. When he saw it, he became hysterical. I looked out to the doorway and saw my father crying as the doctors tried to put the tube in his nose. Inside I was dying in the midst of this scene but outside I was strong and telling my brother “You can do this! I am with you.” I wondered if he could see the worry in my eyes but from his reaction, he was able to calm down. I was shocked.

In the midst of crisis, it is crazy to think that you have the ability to be other than your usual self. When my parents looked scared and worried, I was able to reassure them. I might not have believed what they were saying but I stood strong for them and my brother. I felt like an imposter because deep down inside, I thought the worst. Months later, when my brother was fully recovered, he told me that my support helped him to get through it. My parents told me, specifically my dad, that they were amazed at how calm and cool I was and how helpful I had been. If they only knew. I guess I have a little courage in me but honestly, I feel that my brother was the one with courage. He had the courage to lean on his worrisome big sister when he needed support the most.

Submitted by Gigi on 11/5/09

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Learning to Trust Myself submitted by Christine: 10/19/09

Eighteen months ago I found myself stuck in an all-time low. My boyfriend of seven years announced that he no longer loved me and wanted to part ways. While I had sensed for a while he wasn’t happy, I had no idea he was that unhappy. It was a huge shock and left me feeling devastated, rejected and unlovable. The break-up was a great opportunity for me to really assess who I am, where I am and what I want from life. When it came down to being really honest with myself, I realized I hadn’t been happy in my marriage either. I just hadn’t had the guts to admit it. I also realized I wasn’t happy in my work and that there were many areas of my life where I’d been settling. It was around this time, a girlfriend gave me a copy of Margie’s book, Find Your Courage. It came at the perfect time (a year earlier and it would have sat on the shelf). Her words really struck home and I came to see how much my own fears and self-doubts had been running my life.

I’d married my husband because I was afraid that if I didn’t I might be alone. I stayed in my job because I was afraid if I left it, I wouldn’t get a better one. I stuck with my mediocre life, because I was afraid this was as good as it would get. I am so pleased to share that change is possible. Even for someone like me who has always loved security and loathed change. I have gone back to college part time, I have (in the midst of all the news of doom and gloom and job cutbacks) started a new job with a great company and I have met a wonderful guy (who does want to be with me!). The experience has restored my faith in the belief that we are our own biggest enemies and that by selling out on ourselves we bring a lot of unnecessary misery in to our lives. Of course I don’t know what the future holds, but I know that if I just trust in myself to handle the challenges as they come along, and refuse to settle for less than what really want, that I will continue to attract great people and opportunities into my life. Living with courage is not always easy, but it is always important and most of all, it is always possible.

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