Margie Warrell » Featured

Moving to Australia… Changes Abound!

Margie Warrell — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 12:54:55 +0000

Yesterday morning Al Jazeera TV network called me to do a live studio interview in their D.C. studio, via satellite from their Qatar headquarters. I jumped at it. Living in Washington D.C., and indeed America, has been packed with cool opportunities and new experiences. Life here has been nothing short of amazing. So choosing to change where I live isn’t all easy.

The packers arrive today. They will bring boxes, tape, paper… lots of it.

In a few days my life as I know it will be packed away and loaded into a container bound for Australia.

I know moving back to Australia will be wonderful on many fronts. But there is something about the very nature of change that makes it difficult, even when it’s change we choose and change that holds much to look forward to.

The photo above is one that I took of a former village consumed by the sands of the Sahara Dessert in southern Algeria many years ago. It’s message: Nothing is permanent.

The fact is that all change, even change for the better, is hard. Sure as one chapter closes, another begins. But there’s something about the closing that brings up a sense of loss, grief even.

I’ve felt an abundance of mixed emotions since my husband and I decided to move back to Melbourne earlier last month.

None of them are bad. Though some haven’t felt so good.
I’ve felt sad at leaving so many friends whom I’ve grown to love so much.
I’ve felt anxious about choosing the right place to live, and getting my kids into great schools.
I’ve felt overwhelmed at the thousand things we’ve had to do to close down our life here and set it up there.
I’ve felt delighted about living close to the beach, and closer to my parents, brothers and sisters.
I’ve felt touched by the outpouring of love from our friends as they’ve shared how much they will miss us.
I’ve felt perplexed by the fact that some really cool opportunities in TV-land have come just as I’m getting ready to go.
I’ve felt scared that maybe I will never have life so good again.
And I’ve felt excited about the opportunities that I will create in Australia… opportunities I’ve yet had time to even imagine. Haven’t had the time!

I know that I am not my emotions. I also know that every emotion is valid in its own right. I don’t have to let my emotions consume me. I don’t ‘have to let them dictate who I will be, or let them set up permanent residence in my psyche.

Every time I’ve felt any of these emotions listed above, plus many more I won’t even list, I’ve done my best to acknowledge it, sat with it, and try to embrace it. A few tears have been shed along the way. I know that life is a roller coaster of emotions and right now, with so much going on in my life, the roller coaster is at full tilt!

Amazing new adventures await. Yet I know the next few months won’t all be easy. Learning the ropes of my kids new schools, relearning my way around our old city, getting set up with new orthodontists and sitters and hair dresses. Mundane stuff like that can sometimes be taxing. Then, come later in March when those containers arrive off the ship, unpacking them into the home we hope to find in the interim.

The funny thing is that had I not said YES to moving to America in in 2001, with three tiny babies (and to Dallas no less!!), I would never have come to experience all that I have here. And so I know that while change can be hard, even change we choose, it is also ripe in opportunity and the experiences which make life rich.

When the ground beneath our feet shifts, as it is for me right now, it’s only reasonable that we feel a bit unstable. How can our world tilt on its axis without us tilting a bit with it?

While all change can challenge us, it is also what makes us grow and adds new dimensions of richness to our lives. So in the days to come, I will will trust in myself that I have all the resources within me to handle whatever changes and challenges lie ahead… one day, one hour, at a time.

As I’ve said previously, I am not leaving the US forever. In fact I will probably be back here within a couple months to speak at conferences and events. But when I step foot in America next time, it will be as a visitor, not as a resident. And something about that new reality will feel strange. Not bad. Not good. Just different.

Such is change, right?

Whatever changes you have coming your way in the year ahead, I wish for you to know that whatever their nature, you have all the courage, resilience and resourcefulness within you to meet them. One day, one hour, and some days, one minute at a time.

The photo above of the former village in the Sahara being consumed be sand tells a profound and timeless message. Nothing is permanent.

And so it is.

Life boldly, lead bravely, love deeply.

A time for Audacity, not Austerity… and some Tall Poppy Courage!

Margie Warrell — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 12:13:54 +0000

The new year has begun precariously for many. We continue to hear about the austerity measures that individuals and entire countries around the world must take to get back on track. But is it austerity that we need or is it really audacity… and a little “Tall Poppy Courage” that’s going to make the vital difference in creating a better future?

Last night in New York I had dinner with Phil Scanlan, Australia’s Counsel General to the United States, and his wonderful wife Julia. It was an honor. The conversation was rich and diverse as we discussed my experience of living in the US for the last decade, my impending return to live in Australia and, in light of all the changes and challenges around the globe, opportunities to contribute to building further alliances between the US and Australia and empowering a new generation of young leaders. We also touched on Australia’s “Tall Poppy Syndrome”, a cultural phenomena in Australia likely born from our convict ancestry and fueled by a desire for egalitariasm. Over the generations it has evolved into a tendency for Australian’s to bring back down to earth anyone they felt might be getting too big for themselves. Unfortunately it’s also likey stymied many from pursuing their dreams with the gusto and daring needed to achieve them.But I believe passionately that to lead the lives we are capable of – rich in contribution, daring and purpose – we must first be willing to stand out from the crowd . After all, how can we expect to have outstanding success if we aren’t first willing to stand out? And never has there been a more important time for us to be willing to step out, stand out and challenge “status-quo” thinking. To risk being a Tall Poppy. Locally, globally, daily.

Margaret Thatcher once said, “You cannot lead from the crowd.” She would know. We cannot lead others by walking the path of safety. Nor can we lead ourselves the same way. As the global economy vacillates between signs of recovery and omens of collapse, I strongly believe the world will be served far better when people like you, and me, and the leaders we elect and follow, act with greater “Tall Poppy Courage.”

In every adversity lies opportunity. But it takes boldness, audacity and courage to extract it. In our personal lives, and the challenges we face in our relationships, our finance, family and faith. In our professional lives, and the challenges we face in our jobs, our industry, and the economy at large. More than they require playing safe, they demand taking risks.

Now is a time for audacity, not austerity. Are you willing to risk it? More so, can you afford not to?

Live Boldly, Lead Bravely!

What courageous changes will you make in 2012?

Margie Warrell — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 21:10:53 +0000

Plenty of change lies ahead in 2012. For you. For me. For people around the globe. That you will experience changes, and need to face new challenges, is a given. Whether your experience of them is one of wonder or terror, enthusiasm or despair, is a choice. So when it comes to the spirit in which you will step into the year ahead, where is your life in 2012 calling on you to be more courageous?

You’ve likely experienced it yourself: Brimming with resolve on December 31^st as you boldly declare the goals and changes you plan to make in the year ahead, and by January 31st that resolve is evaporated into the crisp winter air, nowhere to be found.

New Year Resolutions? Bah Humbug. What knucklehead came up with the idea anyway?!

There’s a reason less than 10% of people ever see their new year’s resolutions into reality and end up stuck in the same ruts year after year: Change is difficult. Heck, if it were easy to keep our resolve, and stick with the changes we commit to making as we sip champagne on New Year’s Eve, we’d all be meditating daily, looking svelte in our jeans, drinking a gallon of water daily, snacking on raw veggies and free of credit card debt. The truth is that we all have the ability to make important changes in our life, and to keep our New Year’s Resolutions (assuming, that is, that we didn’t make them in a drunken stupor). The problem is that we often lack the strategies needed to see them through.

I’ve got a L-O-T of change ahead in 2012. Moving to a new country (Australia, here I come!). Finding and setting up a new home. Managing my business across two hemispheres. Settling my four kids into new schools. Making new friends. Building new business networks. And in the midst of it all, enjoying the process (i.e., not getting stuck in “overwhelm”), staying fit(-ish), and finishing the book I embarked upon in 2011. Yep, when it comes to life changes, my cup runneth over in 2012!

There’s a science to success when it comes to achieving goals and making important life changes. Using the right strategies can make the vital difference between optimism and overwhelm, productivity and procrastination, resignation and resilience… success and failure! So I hope that as I do my best to “walk my talk” in 2012, that you will find the 8 strategies below helpful in making the changes and taking the chances you want to make in the months ahead… purposefully, powerfully and courageously!

8 Strategies to Successful Changes in 2012 and far far beyond!

1. Connect to Core Values. Most people like the idea of looking better, getting richer and feeling happier. But if you are going to stick with a resolution that requires changing a long-held habit of thought or action, it has to go beyond superficial desires and connect with your deepest values. When you have a deeper sense of purpose, it compels you to dig deep when the going gets tough and stay the course – no matter what hurdles you have to jump.

2. Be Specific. Resolutions to ‘eat better, get fitter, be happier, relax more or have better life balance’ are doomed for failure because they lack specificity. The more specific you are, the more likely you will be able to succeed. Describe your goals and resolutions in ways that allow you to track your progress and measure your success.

3. Design Your Environment. Your environment can be a powerful source of support. It can also be equally powerful in sabotaging your resolve if you don’t attend to it. Create a progress chart, enlist the help of family or friends to hold you accountable, hire a trainer, create a blog. Design your environment so that it’s hard NOT to do what you resolved to do. I always lay my workout gear beside my bed at night to make it that little bit easier to get dressed when my alarm goes off at 5:30am. I also enlist my husband, who gets up at 5:15 (yes, he’s even less sane than me) to make sure I don’t press snooze!

4. Center Your Resolve. Being ambitious is great. But trying to do too many things at once can make you so unfocused that you just bounce around like Tigger. Besides, you have the rest of the year to pursue other goals and changes. Set yourself up for success and start with just one major undertaking come January 1^st. Then break that goal down into small bite size steps. Small steps, strong start!

5. Write it Down. Don’t just think it, ink it! A Stanford study found that when people wrote down their goal, it increased their odds of accomplishing it by over 70%. But don’t just write down the specific goal, write down how you will feel when you’ve accomplished it. When you have finished penning your desires, jot down on sticky pads the words that inspire you most about your goal and put them around your home/office to remind you of why you are committed to doing what it takes to bring your goal into reality.

6. Reframe Failure. Your failures will not define your success in the year ahead, but how you respond to them will. Social conditioning too often leads us to believe that if you fail you should go home, hide your dreams under your bed, and never let them see daylight again. Don’t make a failure mean more than it does. You tried something, it didn’t work out as you wanted. Period. Reflect on the lesson your failure offers, making adjustments accordingly, then tap your inner John Wayne: saddle up again and climb back on your horse!

7. Focus on the process. Psychologists have found that it takes at least 30 days to firmly establish a new habit of thought or behavior. It’s easy to get caught up in an initial wave of enthusiasm, certain that your efforts will meet with early success, only to come crashing down when they don’t. Rather than focus purely on the goal, direct your attention toward becoming masterful in the activity or process that takes you toward it. For instance, if you want to become more fit, focus on being able to jog a little bit further every time you go for a walk, rather than being able to run 5 miles by day five. Remember, small steps. If you stick with the process and embrace the learning that process entails, you will meet with success. Promise!

8. Do One Thing Every Day. Make a commitment that every single day you will do one thing, however small it may seem, in the direction of your vision. Okay, so you didn’t get to the gym like you’d planned. How about 5 minutes of stretching? Life rewards action. And while some actions may not seem all that significant, when you take any action that serves your greatest good, it sends a message to your sub-conscious that you are still in the game, and that change is still in progress (however slowly).

Making changes to any aspect of your life demands focused effort, perseverance, and a good measure of boldness. But no more than already you have within you, just waiting to be channeled toward an endeavor that truly inspires you. As I pursue my goal to spread my message of courage more widely around the globe, I challenge you to step beyond the doubts, excuses and stories that have kept you from experiencing the best of who you are, trusting in yourself more deeply, and boldly stepping into a future that honors your greatness.

Give the Gift of Courage! (Special Holiday Offer)

Margie Warrell — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 11:46:35 +0000

2011 has been a difficult year for many people. Perhaps for you also. The reality is that throughout our lives, there will be times where we have to dig deep into ourselves, rise above our fears and doubts, and make courageous decisions.

Obviously that is easier said than done. So often we know what it is we want or need to do, but we lack the confidence and courage to do it. What if we fail? What if we make a git of ourselves in front of others? What if it leads to conflict, or confrontation or change beyond anything we’ve ever had to deal with before?

We all struggle with self-doubt and fear in different shapes and forms. What matters most is how we respond to it – whether we choose the path of courage or safety; inspiration or mediocrity; possibility or probability.

Once a year I do a special holiday offer (details below) because I believe that the end of a year, and beginning of a new year, is an ideal time to re-evaluate how we are living our lives, the choices we are making and the path we are taking. I have received hundreds of emails over the last few years from people saying that Find Your Courage has helped them to make courageous decisions in their careers, relationships and lives that they had been putting off for too long. What I know for sure is that once we have learnt how to find our inner courage, anything is possible.

More information or to purchase the Holiday Offer for yourself or a friend visit http://margiewarrell.com/mwproducts/

Whether you need to be more courageous in saying no, speaking up, managing conflict or navigating changes, Find Your Courage and all the products in this holiday offer will give you the practical strategies and inspiration to do so. My 2011 Holiday Pack includes:

◦ A personally autographed copy of Find Your Courage (Amazon Best-Seller and Best Book Awards Winner)

◦ A personally autographed copy of Discover Your Inner Strengths (Co-authored with Stephen Covey!)

◦ The Courageous Conversations Challenge! eCoaching program (a 7 week audio program to help you have the conversations that you’ve been avoiding, ask for what you want more powerfully and become a more powerful communicator)

This is a $133 value, which can be yours today for only $49.

Make 2012 your year for living bold and being brave!

More information at http://margiewarrell.com/mwproducts/

My apologies if you are living outside the US or Canada. But due to shipping times this offer only extends to residents in North America.

Do the holidays really need to be so stressful? Press “Pause”

Margie Warrell — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 21:12:17 +0000

Growing up in Australia, my only experience of Thanksgiving was through American television. Somehow it seemed a lot like our Christmas. . . except of course without Santa and warm sunshine. After a decade in the US, I have really come to love the Thanksgiving holiday. The idea that the last Thursday of November each year is put aside so that people can come together and share thanks for their blessings is, I believe, a very special and valuable tradition.

Of course Thanksgiving, and the festive holiday season it kicks off, can be a very stressful time for many people (way too many people in my mind!) The Martha Stewart-like images of happy families, dressed in the lastest holiday fashion, sitting around a decadently decorated table feasting joyfully on gourmet delights, create expectations that can never measure up to reality.

We get so busy-busy-busy ploughing through our long “To Do” lists all our hectic doing somehow hijacks who we are BEING. The result: we start feeling like something is missing from our lives. Instead of feeling gratitude for all that we have, many of us find ourselves focused on all that is missing. . . whether it be someone else to host Thanksgiving dinner, relatives who don’t drive us crazy, or the resources to recreate that glossy magazine cover in reality.

What expectations do you place on yourself, on others and on reality that keep you from experiencing the full quota of joy and gratitude you’d like to feel in the week ahead?

So my challenge to you this Thanksgiving holiday (and for those of you elsewhere around the globe, this festive season in general) is to take take a moment in your day, every day, to pause from all your doing, take a deep breath and consciously commit to letting go all your expectations about how it “should be”. In the space that opens up, you will be better able to graciously embrace the circumstances you find yourself in for all that they are, and for all that they aren’t. There is nothing that can shift your experience of stress as quickly as gratitude. That said, there are some other things you can do to create a more joy filled festive season. Here’s five below:

Here are five strategies to help you ENJOY MORE, and STRESS LESS this holiday season:

Don’t “Should” On Yourself (or Let Others “Should” On You): Deciding upfront to let go the idea that your holiday will ever be postcard-perfect will free you up to enjoy it for all that it is, and for all that it isn’t! Drop all the “shoulds” and unrealistic expectations that only create stress, conflict and resentment — “we should all get along,” “the table should be decorated Martha Stewart style”, “we should all have fun,” “everyone should come home for the holidays”, “we should all give thoughtful gifts” …. and the list goes on. It’s our attachment to how things should be that causes the bulk of our holiday stress and upsets. If you let go having to have things be a certain way, it allows you to enjoy things just as they are.
Create New Traditions (& Turf Out Old Tired Ones): Be careful that you aren’t being a slave to tradition. Sometimes, traditions outgrow themselves. Just because “that’s how we’ve always done it” doesn’t mean you still should. Start a new tradition or, just for this year, break with the old one. We are cooking beef tenderloin for Thanksgiving lunch this year. Not because we don’t like the turkey tradition, but just because it’s quicker and easier to prepare and that suits us better this year. No right or wrong about parting way with tradition… even if just for a year.
Think Outside the (Gift) Box: The best presents are never the most expensive but the most thoughtful. Give someone a voucher for a massage, breakfast in bed or a night out at the movies and drinks afterward. And of course, spend wisely – you aren’t being generous spending money on others if you can’t afford it.
Express Gratitude More Generously: Like a sweet treat, expressing gratitude or just paying a compliment has a have a way of immediately lifting others’ spirits by bringing a smile to their face. Just think about whose day you brighten by taking a moment to appreciate today. Pick up the phone, send them a card, flick them an email… it takes only a little time in your day to give it but it can make a profound difference to the person you give it to.
Lighten Up, Laugh (at Yourself first), and Have Fun!: Make sure that in between working your way through your to-do list you make time for fun. Don your playful hat and look for simple ways to have fun, at work and home. Hold silly contests like who has the most unfashionable holiday apparel. Play your golden oldies CDs at breakfast… or in the office (everyone has to bring in their own). Keep your ideas simple and focused on involving everyone and having a fun time.

So on that note I invite you to view this video to help you enjoy more, and stress less this Thanksgiving and holiday season.

Here’s to a Thanksgiving brimming with gratitude for all that you have, for all that you are and for all the people in your life. . . even the ones who press your buttons!

Sex, Power, Courage: Combatting Sexual Harassment & Abuse

Margie Warrell — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 17:23:58 +0000

There’s been a lot of focus in the media in recent weeks on both sexual harassment and sexual abuse, particularly surrounding the tragedy at Penn State. Both involve the interplay of sex and power, vulnerability and intimidation. Both are issues requiring courage. Both require more discussion than any blog post can provide, but I was to share my thoughts anyway.

ON SEXUAL ABUSE:

It goes without saying that it’s reprehensible for any human being to abuse another; much less an adult sexually abuse an innocent child. While we must enforce harsh laws to deter predators, the front line of attack on sexual abuse ultimately rests on the shoulders of parents. We have to help our children to understand three core things:

That no person is ever so powerful or important that they can’t tell us if they have acted inappropriately toward them
That we will always believe them, and
That there is nothing that they can ever do that they should feel ashamed about or that would ever make us ashamed of them. Period.

ON SEXUAL HARASSMENT:

As strongly as I feel about the evil of sexual abuse, this focus of this blog is on sexual harassment because it’s an issue so relevant to adults working in organizations today. Title VII of the U.S. Civil Rights Act says defines sexual harassment as “any unwelcome sexual advance or conduct on the job that create an intimidating, hostile or offensive working environment.” The problem is that what may be offensive to one person, is not necessarily offensive to another. The boundary is unclear; where’s the line between innocent flirting and having some fun, and outright harassment and intimidation?

Set clear boundaries

Even though the law may be unclear about where the boundary lie, we mustn’t. Whether it’s being sexually harassed by a person at work in an authority position relative to us, or to being bullied by a colleague of the same gender, we have a pivotal role to play in how a relationship unfolds. Or doesn’t.

What matters more than how anyone acts toward us is how we respond to them – however much power they weald relative to us. We need to be mindful about what we may implicitly be communicating around what we will and will not tolerate, clear in setting firm boundaries when the need arises and, when our warnings go unheeded, courageous in speaking up and raising the issues with those in positions of higher authority who can intervene to address it.

I’ve had numerous experiences in professional settings where people have made comments or gestures toward me that had clear sexual undertones. I assumed they were trying to assess my interest or test my fidelity. Which is why I have never taken any of the remarks overly offensively. It’s clearly been more about them than it has about me. That said, I’ve always been pretty clear in letting them know that, a) I’m not interested (assuming I wasn’t, which has been the case for 20+ years), and b) they better not try that again.

Too often victims of sexual harassment have become such because they have not had the courage to say “Cut it out!” at the first instance of a behavior they found offensive. When we do so it sends a clear message, automatically shifts the dynamic, and goes a long way to warding off unwanted advances before they ever occur.

Take responsibility for what you may be unwittingly communicating

Numerous times I have witnessed people create a blurry line when it comes to the behavior they are willing to accept and tolerate to suit their own agenda. While I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with making the most of what we have – whether it be a sharp wit, great smile or long legs – when that behavior sometimes attracts advances that cause us to feel harassed, we also need to take realize it’s a two way street. I’m all for women owning their femininity, and wearing clothes that make them feel great. However, we must also take responsibility for the messages we may be sending.

Of course there are genuine victims of sexual harassment. But I believe that each of us – male and female – must also take personal responsibility for reflecting on how our “way of being” (or dressing, walking or talking…) might be implicitly communicating messages that subtly invite the behavior we wish to avoid.

Be more powerful than your fears

I’m not an expert of sexual harassment, but I do specialize in the role fear can have on human connection. Before we become a victim to anyone else, we become a victim to our own fear. Fear that we are not ‘good enough’, fear of rocking the boat, being of judged harshly, rejection, missing out on future career opportunities, or of being undeserving of anything better. It’s these fears that so often, too often, drive people to tolerate the intolerable and accept the unacceptable. The fact is, no one can intimidate you without your consent. You teach people how to treat you, and only when you are willing to step into your own power – and through the fears that drive you to settle and suffer – will you be again to gain the respect – from other and for yourself – which you really want.

I appreciate that this is far from a simple issue. I’m sure you have your own perspectives on this subject, and perhaps they differ to mine. So I’m curious, what’s your experience of sexual harassment? How did you handle it… or not handle it? And with the benefit of hindsight, how do you wish you had handled it differently?

It’s my hope that by opening up a candid discussion, it will help to create a world in which fewer people feel harassed, fewer people have the desire to harass, and more people feel powerful and courageous enough to stop it in its tracks at the first instance.

“Working hard at work worth doing.” Are you?

Margie Warrell — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 18:29:05 +0000

Last week my friend Caren lost in her bid to be elected as a Virginian Senator. Last week an opportunity for me to contribute to a segment on a national talk show fell through. Last month I had another publisher ‘pass’ on the book I’m working on.

The fact is that whenever we take on lofty goals, there is risk we will not achieve them. Too often though when our efforts fail to produce we have worked hard toward, we focus on the failure. We think about what we missed out on doing or getting. People speak about their “wasted effort” implying that because they did not achieve the goal they set out toward – whether it be the business contract they had worked so hard to secure or the promotion that went to someone else despite their hours of overtime – that their effort was of no value.

But that is not true.

You do yourself a disservice when you approach hard work begrudgingly. There is little in life more rewarding than working hard at work worth doing, regardless of whether you always produce the result you want.

Working hard toward a goal or vision that inspires us, regardless of the outcome, always holds intrinsic value. What matters far more than what we get from our hard work and effort, is who we get to become from it. Caren echoed this sentiment last night with a group of supporters gathered in my home. She shared her gratitude for the rewarding experience of simply running for office and her appreciation for the opportunity to meet so many people, of all political persuasions and across all walks of life. Yes she worked hard. Very hard. Door-knocking on 20,000 doors hard. But she also drew enormous pleasure from the hard work, and shared the quote by Theodore Roosevelt which has inspired this post: “Far and away the best prize life has to offer is working hard at work worth doing.”

Caren worked her extraordinarily hard for the last 12 months. Her work ethic left me in awe as she made thousands of phone calls, and stood in metro stations handing out fliers. She put herself out there again and again and again because she is committed to make a meaningful contribution to her local community and state.

It is only human to feel disappointment when we don’t achieve something we have worked hard toward. But our hard work and effort is never wasted. It truly is one of life’s deep joys to “work hard at work worth doing.” And working hard toward something that fills you with purpose and passion is always work worth doing – whether it be raising your family, fulfilling a long held dream, building a business that fulfills an unmet need or, writing a book to change lives.

Today the word “work” has come to mean something to be avoided as much as possible for many people. But there is value in work. Not just for the money you can earn from it, but from the person you get to become. Hard work draws out talents and capacities that may otherwise have laid dormant.

“Far and away the greatest pleasure we can get in life is working hard at work worth doing.” – Theodore Roosevelt

I don’t know what challenges you face right now. But I will bet that in order to meet them successfully it will require you to do some hard work yourself. Work isn’t always “fun”. Sometimes it can be a grind. But that does not diminish from its intrinsic value.

So let me ask you, where is your life calling on you to work harder at work worth doing? Whether it is the inner work of transforming the way in which you are living your life, or the outer “roll up your sleeves and set your alarm early” work, always keep forefront of mind, that nothing worth doing has ever been done without good old fashioned hard work. Period.

I invite you to recommit yourself to putting in the effort needed to live a life that honors the best of who you are, and who have yet to become. After all, in the end its never about the final destination, it’s about the spirit in which we pursue the journey.

Journey on.

Perfectionism: Are you stuck on the perfectionist merry-go-round?

Margie Warrell — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 20:02:24 +0000

One evening last week a girlfriend dropped in for an impromptu visit and said she needed a glass of wine. Being the good friend I am I dutifully shared a bottle with her. Which was all fine until the next morning when I realized that I’d forgotten to set my alarm and missed one of my kids parent teacher interviews at 7.15. Needless to say, when I rang him to apologize I felt very badly. He couldn’t have been nicer but still, I dropped the ball big time.

And then, over the weekend, I snapped at my son as I was driving him to basketball… or was it soccer or a friends house… too long ago to remember. He was flipping through radio stations to the point that it was doing my head in. I could have gently asked him to leave the dial alone. But no, I snapped. He recoiled, hurt. Aggggh…I am sooo not a perfect mum.

And now, today I am writing this article. Or trying to. Wishing I could up with the perfect words to write to change your life forever. Alas, I’m guessing I will fall far short.

And so it is that I go through my days, often slipping up, messing up, and failing to live up to the expectations and standards I have for myself. I am sooo not perfect. In fact if you were to measure the distance between me and perfect, it would have be done in light years.

At the heart of “perfectionism” lies a fear of not being good enough; of not being “worthy” just as we are. This fear drives us into an illusive quest to live up to a standard that is simply unattainable.

Which has me thinking – who ever said I was supposed to be? More so, how can I respond more compassionately and constructively with myself when I slip up, mess up, and fall far short of being the model mother, wife, friend, writer, courage evangelist, and human being that I aspire to be. I know that I’m not alone in my tendency to beat myself up when I fall down and compare myself to those who seem to be sooo much better (and closer to “perfect”) than I am.

Don’t get me wrong though - I have no bone to pick with perfectionists. Well not those who might find themselves operating on my heart, building my home or fixing the brakes in my car. But we need to discern between those times when aiming for perfectionism is serving us (and those around us… in the case of the heart surgeon) and when it is holding us back. Being a perfectionist is not the same thing as being a person who wants to be the best version of themselves that they can be (even though it may sound the same.) Wanting to improve ourselves is distinctly different than wanting to prove our worthiness to others. Or even to ourselves.

When I snapped at my son I immediately felt guilty. I pulled the car over to the side of the road, took a few deep breaths and when I’d regained my composure, I told him I was sorry. He didn’t want to look at me initially. He was wounded. Angry too. I asked him if he’d forgive me and he told me he needed to think about it a few more minutes. By the time we’d arrived at basketball he said “I forgive you mum. Just don’t do it again.” I told him I’d do my best. And I will.

But do you think I can guarantee never to lose my temper again, to snap at one of my kids, be thoughtless with a friend, or judgmental about someone? If only! I will do my best to do better, but I know that I am going to slip up again. What I’m learning, albeit rather slowly, is that when I fail to be the person I’d like to be, the most fruitful way I can respond is by being honest with myself about my behavior, forgiving myself for it, and then doing what I can to make amends and not do it again. What doesn’t help me is to beat up on myself for being a pathetic and faulted human being, to blame others or make excuses to justify what I’ve done.

The quest for perfectionism leaves us stuck on a merry-go-round that takes us around and around in circles, but never forward. The merry-go-round has no place for compassion. It intolerant of vulnerability. There is no embracing those aspects of us that flawed; only berating them or trying to cover them up lest they be expose to those we seek to impress or prove our worthiness to. While we are stuck on that merry-go-round we are also stuck from moving forward in creating a more rewarding and meaningful experience of life in four core ways.

1. Perfectionism isolates and undermines intimacy

Acknowledging our shortcomings, fears and failures makes us vulnerableto disapproval. Possibly even rejection. But it also allows us to connect more deeply with people around us. It’s very hard to feel comfortable with someone who seems to be “perfect” (even when we know that they can’t possibly have it as together as they portray). We connect to people most deeply through our vulnerability, our struggles and sharingthose aspects our inner (and sometimes outer) lives which aren’t as we would like them to be. When we are driven to prove to others how smart-beautiful- successful-loveable -organized-capable-together- thoughtful-etcetera we are we create a barrier. That doesn’t mean that we can’t be all of those things. But remember, there’s a distinct difference between trying to improve yourself and prove yourself to others. One brings you fulfillment, the other brings you constant striving but never arriving.

2. Perfectionism hampers learning and stifles growth

Perfectionism can profoundly limit accomplishment. It keeps us from taking risks that might result in a greater accomplishment or professional mastery because we are afraid of messing up or looking, being exposed as a fraud or looking, well. . . less than perfect. Think about how many adults who never learned to swim as children refuse to learn as adults. Why? Because they don’t want to go through the same learning curve that every child must go through in order to stay afloat. I have to admit, there is nothing I admire more than the courage I see in adults who decide to learn a skill that the rest of us learnt in our youth (whether it be swimming, driving a car or riding a bike).

3. Perfectionism limits productivity and confines us to “Immaculate Mediocrity”

There are too many people living lives of immaculate mediocrity – perfect on the outside but scoring low when it comes to doing anything of real value. Perfectionism can impede our ability to use the time we have each day in an optimal way and drive us to spending it on “stuff” that really doesn’t matter. For instance, I would not have sat down to write this article if my house first had to be perfect. With four typical messy kids, I’d never even step outside my home each day if it had to be perfect. Whether it’s our home or our hair or the formatting on the power point presentation we are creating for a meeting, it pays to continually ask yourself: “Is this the best use of my time? How much does this matter versus the other could be doing with my time and energy?” It’s very easy to slide down a slippery slope into a quagmire of low value “small stuff” that can, if we let it, consume all our energy and squander our ability to do something more worthwhile.

There’s a distinct difference between trying to improve yourself and prove yourself to others. One brings you fulfillment, the other brings you constant striving but never arriving.

4. Perfectionism diminishes gratitude

of people who would love to have the life you live. But when we are caught on the perfectionism merry-go-round, we are unable to be truly present to, and grateful for, our many blessings. Whether it’s your body, your spouse, your home, your kids or your job, when you are focused on everything that isn’t “just right” and good in your life it keeps you from being truly present to all that is. Life’s perfection actually exists in its imperfection. The truth is that if life were perfect, it wouldn’t be! You can’t always see the perfection of life in the moment through the narrow lens of where you stand today, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

The only way off the perfectionists merry-go-round is to acknowledge your fear of not being “good enough”and embrace your innate worthiness just as you are – flawts and all (flawt = flaw + wart). Making it a practice to ask yourself if the stuff you are expending your precious time and energy on is worthy of you frees you up to face your challenges more powerfully, pursue your goals more powerfully, and enjoy each day more fully. There is no-one on planet earth with the same combination of talents, experiences and skills as have. And while there is also no-one on the planet with the same magnificient combination of flaws and failings, I invite you to consider:

1. What makes you feel vulnerable when you think about giving up your quest for perfectionism? Why?

2. How would owning your own imperfectness free you up to be more forgiving of yourself and of all the equally imperfect people around you?

3. How might you enjoy your life more if you could accept your current life circumstances as they are right now despite those aspects which aren’t as you’d like them to be?

I invite you right now to embrace life’s imperfection more fully and give up the thankless quest for “perfect”. It will take years off your life. It will also free you to connect more deeply with others, enjoy a deeper sense of gratitude and, most importantly, give you the courage pursue your aspirations more boldly.

Now. . . what could be more perfect!?

Now, off to prepare a very imperfect meal for my family. For most things in life, good enough really is good enough. DITCH PEREFECCT… however you spell it. I’m not that good of a spella either.

Ten years ago today I moved to America… what a ride it’s been!

Margie Warrell — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 10:53:37 +0000

Ten years ago today I moved to America. I arrived with my husband Andrew, my young broad of children (aged 3, 2 and 8 weeks) and my mum, who had generously offered to help me that first month on the ground. It took 33 hours to fly from Melbourne (via Sydney, Auckland, LA and Denver) to Dallas that October day in 2001. Air schedules following 9/11 had been thrown into havoc. And when we arrived in Dallas, weary to our bones, we discovered the first bombs had dropped on Afghanistan while we were in transit. Needless to say, it was a journey marked with many emotions and a very, very, long day.. and night… and day.

Looking back on that day ten years ago, I can still feel the emotions I felt. An over arching sadness saying goodbye to my family, not knowing when we’d return. Anxiety about settling in to a new city in a new country (Texas no less). Resentment at my husband (not deserved, but still, I felt it) at the fact that we were doing this for his career, even though I’d always advocated living abroad. Overwhelm as the “perfect storm” of life circumstances hit me all at once. And finally, of course, exhaustion – something every mother of three children under 3 ½ feels in the base case, without having to pack up my life to relocate to the far side of the globe.

And so here I am, ten years on, more gray hairs, deeper smile (frown?) lines, and ten extraordinary years of experience, opportunity, friendship and cultural assimilation behind me! Not to mention a few hundred thousand air miles from the 9 or 10 (I’ve lost count!) trips back to Australia since then.

To live life to the fullest, to seize its opportunities, and to survive its adversities – we must embrace it as a grand adventure in “human becoming”, and trust in ourselves more deeply that whatever happens along the way, we can handle it.

People often ask me, “When will you move back to Australia?” Ten years ago, I would’ve told them “in about 3 years, but definitely in five.” Nowadays I say, “I have no idea.” And the truth is, I don’t. And what is weird is that I’m okay with not knowing where my future lies, what country I will be living in ten years from now or even what country my kids will one day call home. I’ve come to realize that even if I wanted to plan the future, I couldn’t. Sometimes opportunities arise, plans change, and doors open in ways that go beyond anything we could ever imagine, much less plan for.

America has been good to me, to us – despite the economic turmoil of the year few years, it’s surpassed its reputation as the “land of opportunity.” It’s also challenged me to grow in so many ways – to become more generous, to be more open in my faith, to appreciate the impact of racism on the hearts of those who’ve suffered from it, and to be more courageous in my own aspirations, conversations and actions.

Your future may seem more predictable than mine. Or maybe not. Either way, it doesn’t matter whether you have never moved in your life or you have moved a hundred times. It doesn’t matter whether you still live in the country of your birth or have transplanted by choice or force or conflict. It doesn’t matter whether you would ever have believed you would find yourself living the life you are today if someone had told you of it ten years ago. The most important lesson I’ve learnt in the last ten years is this: to live life to the fullest - to seize it’s opportunities and to survive it adversities – we must embrace it as a grand adventure in “human becoming”, and trust in ourselves more deeply that whatever happens along the way, we can handle it.

We are all citizens of the world, and only when we see ourselves as such, without distinction of nationality, the country we are born in, the culture we’ve been shaped by, or the color of our skin, can we transcend the pschological barriers that sometimes keep us from growing into the fullness of the person that we are, and making the most of the opportunities that life brings our way. Whatever the color of your skin or country in your passport, the religion that you practice or the language you speak, I hope that you can bloom wherever you are now planted and that whatever adventures lay ahead for you, that you can enjoy them for all that they are, and for all that they are not.

The world has continued to grow smaller and more connected in the last decade. Ten years ago Facebook did not exist. Ten years ago I couldn’t Skype my family in Australia. Ten years ago I couldn’t send a picture of my 4th child (our “Texas souvenir”) out on the ice playing. Or if I could, I had no idea how. Yet despite how much easier it is to communicate with loved one’s far away, the importance of laying down roots wherever we are is just as essential to our ability to bloom wherever we are currently planted. Yet however deep our roots, they should never keep us from spreading our wings, exploring new possibilities or seizing new (and unplanned) opportunities, because sometimes the richest life experiences unfold in ways we could never imagine. Helen Keller once said, “Life is a daring adventure or nothing.” Indeed it is. And I am intent on continuing to live it to the hilt.

As Steve Jobs, who passed away this week once said, “Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. … Stay hungry. Stay foolish.”

If your life were a sermon, what would it say?

Margie Warrell — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 09:37:16 +0000

This last Sunday I attended the funeral of the father of my dear friend Ellie.

It was a beautiful funeral. Very sad, but incredibly beautiful.

During the funeral service numerous people got up to speak about the life of Seyed Ahmad Kalantar, a man I had only met once briefly several years ago. The words people spoke about him, and the deep love and admiration with which they spoke them left me moved to tears numerous times throughout the service.

Ellie’s dad had been born in Iran 80 years ago. And while he had lived abroad for much of his adult life working as a physician, twelve years ago he had decided to return to his homeland Iran. Seyed’s life held many adventures and I’m sure, many adversities also. But the message his life spoke was one of love. As his son, and nephews, and neices and finally, his beautiful grandchildren got up to speak at his funeral, the picture they painted for us all was of a man who valued love, appreciated beauty, and had a deep sense of humanity and compassion. His son said that when he would ask his father for advice, his reply would always encourage him to do whatever was most humane. If his life was a sermon, it was one of love, and courage, and compassion.

Which made me wonder, if my life were a sermon, what would it say?

My life over the last few days (week, months, years) has been particularly hectic. Sometimes I find myself juggling so many balls that I forget the reason why I decided to carry those balls in the first place. Joining the large extended family of Seyed Kalantar on Sunday as they grieved the loss of a man they loved so dearly reminded me of what matters most. I found myself reflecting on the message my choices and actions reflect about the person I am and the priorities I value. At one point yesterday, when I found myself having to deal with a person who was acting in a way that might have caused me to have responded in a dismissive way, I instead smiled at them, and practiced the compassion and generosity of spirit that I’d heard about just the day before. Sure, this person was annoying me, but they were also a human being who, as I stopped to think about it, I sensed was struggling with their own demons and who needed my compassion rather than my judgement.

Of course, any one day of our life is not going to be a reflection of our life as a total. But every day our actions contribute to the sum total that is our life. And every day, the choices we make about how we will engage with the world impact the hearts and minds of those around us.

So I ask you, if your life were a sermon, what would it say? And if you knew that the actions that you were going to take in the next 24 hours were part of that sermon, what might you do differently? After all, it’s not how we die that ultimately matters so much, but how we much love, courage and compassion we bring to the experience of living.