Margie Warrell

So often when I hear people complaining,  feeling upset about something (or someone!), or overwhelmed with all that they have on their plate, I can quickly spot a request that they could be making that they aren’t.  Asking someone to do something (or to stop doing something) can take courage because you put yourself at risk of rejection, disappointment, and hurt.  But unless you are willing to ask for what you really want, then you have no chance of getting it as I shared on my recent interview on Better TV. 

Here are 6 keys to making bigger and better requests. My request of you is that you actually step outside your comfort zone today and make a request… the worst thing that can happen is that you find yourself exactly where you started! Go on now… be courageous!

1. Don’t assume others are mind readers. We often assume our husbands, bosses, friends and even work colleagues are mind readers and when they don’t act as we’d like, we wind up resentful and upset. For any relationship to thrive both parties have to take responsibility for communicating their needs. Hints just don’t cut it. Whether it’s how you’d like your partner to engage in foreplay, or how you’d like your colleague to communicate with you about a project at work, it’s crucial to be assertive in conveying your wants and needs.

2. Be specific about what you want and when you want it. Asking someone to do something for you “when they get a chance” is a recipe for unmet expectations, frustration and hurt. For a request to hold any water it needs to specify not just what you’d like, but also the time frame in which you want it done. That is, a “what” and a “when.”  My beloved husband has learnt to do this very well, “Margie, when you borrow my car could you  at least please stop parking my car half way out of the garage?”  [...]

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As you know, I’m all about thinking bigger – about ourselves, about our problems and about what we are capable of in life.

Yesterday morning an old friend told me that Oprah is running a competition to see who she will sponsor to host a talk show on her new Oprah Winfrey Network when she steps down next year.  With thousands of people already with their hat in the ring, some with over a million votes (yes, this is a popularity contest like American Idol!) I immediately came up with a dozen reasons why I shouldn’t bother. Every one was driven by fear – fear of looking foolish, fear of failing, fear of you thinking I’m kidding myself for even trying, fear of wasting my precious time. But I’m pleased to say I caught myself midstream.  How wimpy of me to let my fears keep me from daring to try.  So while the odds are stacked high against me, I’ve decided to throw my hat into the ring anyway.

What I need now is for you to send a vote my way and share this link with your network to stand a chance. But, as a believer in the power of possibility, I am going to put myself out there. As much as I would love the opportunity to share my message with a few gazillion more people than I do right now, what is more important to me than the outcome is the knowledge that I at least gave it a go. Whatever happens, I will always be able to look back and know that I gave it my best.  To me that is what success is ultimately all about, doing the best you can with what you have been given. Whether we achieve our goals and dreams isn’t as important as the fact that we had the courage to pursue them.

PLEASE VOTE FOR ME NOW:
http://bit.ly/DreamBIGOprah

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You’d have to be living in a cave the last month not to be aware of the growing environmental disaster caused by an explosion on a BP oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico. Having a long-held fondness for the company that gave me my first “real job” as a Graduate Trainee in their Australian head office, I couldn’t help but feel some level of sympathy for my old colleagues who still work for BP. Having your company dragged through the mud in the media, even if it is for good reason, is not an enjoyable experience.

It’s been many years since I playfully fought my then-boyfriend (now husband), who worked for Mobil Oil, about which gas station we should fill up in (me claiming BP’s were far more attractive, him convinced that Mobil’s were better quality underneath the glam). It has also been many years since BP transformed those initials from British Petroleum into Beyond Petroleum… ah the irony.

Of course none of us are yet certain about the exact chain of events that culminated in the explosion in the Gulf of Mexico last month. What I am fairly certain of is that there was an absence of effective leadership, communication and accountability. I also think there are valuable lessons we can all take from this situation and apply in our own workplaces and relationships.

We humans share an instinctive desire for self-preservation and an innate aversion to situations that might be emotionally uncomfortable. In an organizational setting this can drive employees to “play safe” and avoid crucial conversations about [...]

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Terrorism, recession, identity theft, melting ice caps, corporate downsizing, child predators, online predators, super bug predators . . . every day the headlines scream at us to batten down the hatches, sanitize our hands, our minds, our voices and avoid any possibility of rocking our boat or the boats of others. We live in a culture of fear that urges us to avoid change, trust sparingly, stick with the status quo (however miserable) and minimize all risk of failure or social embarrassment.

It’s for this same reason that you need to be increasingly vigilant of the fears that arise in you, discerning about which fears you pay heed to and mindful of the oppressive impact giving them power can have.

And if you don’t? Well. . . I hate to be the bearer of bad news but. . .

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My brother, Peter, with my kids

Forgive me if this post is a little raw. Life has been raw for me these last couple weeks.

My youngest brother Peter died just over two weeks ago and I’ve been living life at its rawest ever since.

Pete, who was 31, suffered from schizophrenia for the last ten years. All mental illnesses cause enormous suffering for those who have them and incredible heartache and angst for those who love them. Peter, number 6 of the 7 kids in my family, was very loved by our family and we all did the very best we could, each in our own way, to help him. Over the last decade, as Pete returned to hospital again and again, his dreams crashed to earth, his enjoyment of life disappeared and his hopes of ever living a fulfilling life gave way to severe paranoia, to ceaseless torment, to despair and, on Good Friday, to death.

As I type these words I am sitting on a plane high above the Pacific returning back to America from Australia where I’ve shed more tears with my family than I thought were possible. But in the midst of our sorrow, we have laughed at the fun times we shared with Peter — his boyish pranks, his humor, his brilliant athleticism and charm. We have been lifted up by the extraordinary outpouring of love from friends, family and community, near and far. We have savored the rich bonds of love that come to the fore during times of heartache. It has been a deeply moving, and extremely touching, two weeks. 

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I recently read that 60% of Americans lose their temper at least once per week. I’d like to tell you I wasn’t in that number but alas, my kids would tell you otherwise.

Of course losing our temper is what happens when we fail to keep our anger in check. Something (or someone) pushes our buttons and, unable to contain our anger, we explode. The result is never pretty. Last week I was asked to talk about anger on Better TV. Despite my occasional outbursts at my kids I wouldn’t say I am a particularly angry person. Which got me thinking, why are some people constantly angry while others seem perpetually serene and calm? And for the majority of us who fall somewhere in the middle, how can we process the emotion of anger in more constructive ways?

First let me repeat what I wrote in my book Find Your Courage. Anger, on its own, is neither good nor bad. Rather it’s a natural emotion that arises when we perceive an injustice to ourselves or others. The problem does not arise when we have anger. It arises when anger has us. It’s how we respond to it that determines whether it is helpful to our relationships (by addressing valid issues that threaten to undermine them) and good for society (by working to end injustice)  – or damaging to our relationships, destructive to our circumstances and plain old bad for our health (think heart disease, depression, ulcers…I’d go on but it doesn’t get better!). In other words, our response to anger ultimately creates more suffering for us and others, or less. It all hinges on how we process and express it.

Learning to manage anger isn’t easy. It takes a heightened level of self-awareness, a good dose of discipline and a robust commitment to [...]

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Apparently Thomas Jefferson and George Washington experienced a blizzard of similar magnitude to the one we did in Washinton D.C. area last weekend but certainly, it was the biggest recorded dump of snow since official records began.  Having come from a place where even a thin layer of ice on a puddle mid-winter was cause for great excitement, I find having the landscape transformed to pure white quite magnificent.

What I have not found quite as magnificent is having my life interrupted. My four children have been home from school since Thursday and, alas, with another snow storm due to arrive tomorrow, they may well be off all week.  Ukurumba…there goes those plans of mine!

Yet as I sit here with my homemade latte beside my keyboard (the esspresso machine I gave Andrew for Christmas has been worth its weight in gold these last few housebound days!), I can’t help but think about how this storm, with all the interruptions and inconveniences it has brought with it, is a valuable analogy for the bigger storms that come our way through life.

The problem isn’t that things happen in life that completely throw us off our plans, it is that we expect anything otherwise.  Many years ago, midway through the second trimester of pregnancy with my first child, I discovered that it had died. It was New Year’s Eve 1996. To me that baby was already born. I was already a proud mother. But then, in the span of several minutes, without any signs to warn me, I discovered I wasn’t pregnant. I wasn’t going to have that cherished baby. That this new little life inside me [...]

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Of course it doesn’t take the beginning of a new year to make a decision to start something new, make changes in how we are living our life or turn over a new leaf. We can do that any day of the year. But there is something about January 1st that makes it feel like a good time for new beginnings.

While reflecting on what I wanted to do in the year ahead, I found myself feeling a bit anxious. As someone who writes and speaks on living courageously, I wanted to come up with some really big, bold and audacious goals. Yet as I began to do so, I found myself feeling simultaneously overwhelmed by the thought that it was very likely I would fail to achieve them.

Which is when it occurred to me how important it is to make the distinction between a commitment (which any resolution or goal is) and an attachment.

Hopefully you are committed to achieving something(s) that is meaningful to you in 2010. Some of your goals may be very do-able (like my goal to try one new recipe each week). Others may be more of a stretch. What matters most though is not whether or not you achieve each of your goals (or resolutions), but that you give them your very best shot.

As I’m sure you well know, often life can get in the way of following through on what you’ve set out to do. Job loss, illness, market crashes, relocation, children… stuff like that. 2009 was a hard year for many, a cautious year for most, and an unpredictable year for all. And frankly I’m not sure that 2010 will offer any respite when it comes to living with uncertainty. But that doesn’t mean we should hang up the towel and declare 2010 the year of “getting by.” It just means that we need to be willing to adapt them to new circumstances as they arise and let go of our attachment that everything should happen just as we think it should.

So, let me ask you, if you weren’t afraid of failing at achieving your goal and instead threw caution to the wind, what is one thing you would dearly love to accomplish (change, do, create…) between now and the clock striking midnight next New Year’s Eve? What one thing would give you [...]

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On the eve of Christmas I just wanted to remind you to take a moment to reflect on what the Christmas holiday represents. It is a time to deepen the connection you share with family (near and far); to experience gratitude for your many blessings; to remember the precious lessons you’ve learned in the year just past (however disguised they were at the time); to laugh at yourself as you wonder why it took you so long to learn some of them; and most of all, to think about how you can use your hard-earned wisdom to create a more meaningful and rewarding future… in 2010 and beyond.

Let go your attachment to having everything be ‘just perfect’ this Christmas. Rather, go with the flow and savor the unique experience of this festive season — for all that it is and for all that it isn’t. Life, with all its ups and downs, its joy and its sorrow is a precious gift.

Time to celebrate!

Photo courtesy of kugelfish

By the way, as you read this if you’re struggling with how to ease the stress, then watch this interview from yesterday on how to experience more joy this Christmas season.

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As I try to move down my big, long to-do list this week in preparation for all the merrymaking I will be doing in the weeks ahead, I’ve found myself feeling a bit overwhelmed. Okay, more than a bit. So I have stopped. Stopped to take a big deep breath, to look out the window at the sun streaming in and to ask myself “Why the hurry?”

As I’m sure you’ve experienced yourself, it’s very easy to get caught up on the “do it all” and “be it all” merry-go-round this time of year. They call it the silly season for a reason.  Which is why I’ve stopped mid-flight and am writing to you right now. Because most of the time I find that if there’s something I’m struggling with, someone else is too.

So, what to do? First up, is to breathe. It may sound foolish or overly simplistic but pausing and just focusing on the very simple act of breathing can be quite transforming. So how about you do it. Yes…right now. Just follow your breath…in…and out…and as you exhale, imagine all the stressful thoughts leaving your body, your psyche, your spirit and in their place leaving a peaceful quiet and a deep knowing that all is well.

It will only take you one minute right now to breathe in 10 big deep breaths but it will make a difference for many hours to come. I know you have lots on your plate but I also know that you, like me, can spare one minute.

Next up is to ask yourself what really matters to you this Christmas season? Is it to have the best wrapped presents, the most decorated home, the hippest holiday party or is it to truly connect with the people you love most in the world, to deepen the bonds you share and celebrate all the wonderful things that life has brought you? [...]

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