But just because we can find lots of reasons for feeling down and becoming a bona fide pessimist doesn’t mean that we should. The fact is, optimism creates opportunity and pessimism kills it. Expecting good things to happen will lead to taking actions that produce positive results. Expecting only more bad stuff to come your way will keep you from doing the very things that might have minimized or avoided just that!

The word “optimism” actually derives from the Latin word “optima,” meaning the best outcome or belief in the greatest good. As I said during my recent interview on the TODAY SHOW, while some people are naturally more optimistic than others, ultimately we all get to wake up every day and choose whether we are going to be a glass half-full, or a glass half-empty person.

Below are 7 strategies for filling up your cup of optimism. My challenge to you is to try at least one of these and notice the difference it makes to your outlook and your life.

1.  SET YOUR INTENTION

 Before you step out of bed (and if you forget, before you leave your home) take one minute to set your intention for the day by coming up with one word that resonates with you about the attitude or spirit you want to bring to the day. Being intentional acts like a compass and helps you better focus your time and energy. For instance, if you’ve been looking for work but have found yourself stuck in a rut and procrastinating, you might choose to be proactive and set yourself a goal of making at least 5 calls/emails today to follow up on job leads and opportunities. The intention you choose will vary according to the challenges you are facing.

QUESTION: What is your intention for the rest of today? To be more assertive, organized, focused, tenacious, self-reliant, resourceful, determined, persistent or patient?

2. PERFORM AN ACT OF COURAGE

Often the very thing we need to improve our circumstances requires courage. That is, closing the gap between where you are now and where you would like to be in life will require stepping outside your comfort zone and doing something that scares you in some way. It could be picking up the phone to invite someone to dinner, attending an exercise class or having a conversation with your boss about an issue that’s been upsetting you. There is no better way to build self-confidence than doing something that stretches you as it teaches you that you are capable of more than you thought you were.

QUESTION: What would you do today if you had no fear of failing or looking foolish?

3. REFRAME A PROBLEM INTO AN OPPORTUNITY

You can’t solve your problems by complaining about them. But you can solve them (or if they are unsolvable, learn to accept them) by reframing them so that you can approach them from a new angle. To quote Einstein: “Problems can not be solved at the same level of thinking at which they were created.”

Where pessimists see problems, optimists find opportunities. If you change the way you look at your problems, your problems change and transform into a rich array of opportunities to grow, learn and discover inner resources you never knew you had!

QUESTION: What opportunities does your most pressing problem offer you? (I promise you – they are bountiful!)

4. AVOID ENERGY DRAINERS

Optimism is contagious. So too is pessimism. If you are struggling to feel as positive as you would like, don’t spend your time hanging out with “emotional vampires” – those people who suck the life out of you with their complaints and commentary about everything that is wrong with the world (and the people in it). Choose your company wisely and limit the time you spend with people who don’t fill your cup of optimism and “can do” self-confidence.

QUESTION: Who do I need to spend less time with and who can I arrange to spend more time with?

5. CARRY YOURSELF LIKE AN OPTIMIST

If you change how you hold yourself physically, it will change how you feel emotionally. Scientists have actually proven that how you present and carry yourself on the outside has a huge impact on how you feel on the inside. Slump your shoulders, pout your bottom lip and look down to the ground and optimism (and opportunity) will elude you.  But stand tall, chin up, smile and engage with people as though you were the outgoing, confident, optimistic and successful person you aspire to be, and you will attract all sorts of positive people and opportunities into your life. People will relate to you differently and you will gradually begin to feel differently (and more positive) yourself. Don’t feel like it? Do it anyway! The old saying “Fake it ‘til you make it” is literally true.

ACTION: Stand tall, smile and watch your reflection in the mirror as you move. What does how you carry yourself communicate?

6. LIGHTEN UP

Why is it that comedians tend to live very long lives? It’s because they have become so masterful at finding the humor in even the most unfunny situations. While it’s not always easy to see the lighter side of things, it’s always helpful. Humor is a highly effective antidote to almost every ailment, anxiety or adversity! Watching a funny movie and spending time with a really funny friend is litterally medicinal!

QUESTION: If you were taking a lighthearted approach to your challenges, what would the joke be?

7. EXERCISE

If you are one of those people who never exercises, then I’m sorry, I know you hate to hear it again and again but EXERCISE IS VERY GOOD FOR YOU. Not only is it great for you physically, but it’s a very potent drug for making you feel better psychologically.  As your heart starts pumping, your body releases endorphins into your system which not only burn off stress but also allow you to view your life and challenges through a more empowering and optimistic lens. Seriously, what’s not to like about exercise? (Besides doing it?)

ACTIVITY: Get outdoors and go for a brisk 20 minute walk (or run) and note how much better you feel afterward (my only condition on that is please don’t do it in sweltering hot weather like we have in Virginia today!)

Please try one of these strategies today and let me know how it helps! As an optimist, I am sure it will!

Related posts:

1. How to Stay Up When Your Job Search Has You Feeling Down
2. A year ago today and what I’ve learned since
3. An Emotional Stimulus Plan: Have You Got One?
4. What would the courageous version of you do?
5. Four Steps to Harnessing the Power of Vision
6. Are Your Comfort Zones Holding You Back?

My brother, Peter, with my kids

Forgive me if this post is a little raw. Life has been raw for me these last couple weeks.

My youngest brother Peter died just over two weeks ago and I’ve been living life at its rawest ever since.

Pete, who was 31, suffered from schizophrenia for the last ten years. All mental illnesses cause enormous suffering for those who have them and incredible heartache and angst for those who love them. Peter, number 6 of the 7 kids in my family, was very loved by our family and we all did the very best we could, each in our own way, to help him. Over the last decade, as Pete returned to hospital again and again, his dreams crashed to earth, his enjoyment of life disappeared and his hopes of ever living a fulfilling life gave way to severe paranoia, to ceaseless torment, to despair and, on Good Friday, to death.

As I type these words I am sitting on a plane high above the Pacific returning back to America from Australia where I’ve shed more tears with my family than I thought were possible. But in the midst of our sorrow, we have laughed at the fun times we shared with Peter — his boyish pranks, his humor, his brilliant athleticism and charm. We have been lifted up by the extraordinary outpouring of love from friends, family and community, near and far. We have savored the rich bonds of love that come to the fore during times of heartache. It has been a deeply moving, and extremely touching, two weeks. 

Peter’s funeral last Tuesday was beautiful. Several people came up to me afterward to say it was the most inspiring funeral they’d ever attended. As hundreds gathered with us to mourn his death, we celebrated his life and joined together in faith that Peter’s spirit is now in peace. But ahhhh… death is so final and burying someone you love so confronting to the mind and wrenching to the heart.

I have written before about sadness and the importance of acknowledging it. There is nothing happy about having someone you love suffer from an illness you cannot cure. There is nothing happy about saying a last goodbye. It is sadness, pure and true. And while my sadness is mine alone, inevitably we all find ourselves in circumstances that give rise to sorrow, grief and a deep sense of loss. After all, that is what it is to be a human being. None of us can avoid it, however hard we try, however safe we play it, however strong we try to be.

So I have not tried to be strong this last week. I have cried and wailed and sobbed like a child. My brother Peter is gone and I will never see him again… at least not during my years on earth. And while I will grow old and my skin will wrinkle, my eyesight will fade and my hair turn gray, Peter will remain forever young. When I spoke to him last month on his birthday, in the hospital again, he said he looked forward to shooting hoops with my oldest son Lachlan on our trip back home to Australia in July. However unwell Pete has been, he never stopped being a loving uncle and making my kids laugh (see the picture above of him with my four children taken two years ago). And so I shed another tear that he will never shoot another hoop and that my children will never play with their Uncle Pete again. (You can watch the slideshow we created of Peter for his funeral at this link)

Whatever your beliefs about what happens after death, there is no escaping that death brings with it a finality that can be hard to comprehend. I know that in death Peter has found the peace that eluded him in life, but that thought doesn’t stop my sadness. At least not yet. And while I know my tears don’t help Peter, they do connect me to that which matters most to me in life — to those I love, to the blessings I have in life and to the many magnificent people I share it with. I am more acutely aware than ever that life is a precious and temporary gift and that it is our responsibility to make the most of it; to do the best we have with whatever hand we have been given.

And while I’d like to think I will never experience grief again, I know that is not so. For all of life is about letting go what has been, embracing what is and opening our hearts wide to our hopes for tomorrow. If there is a lesson for me from this experience (and I hope for you also), it is to live each day, each moment more deeply, to experience it more fully, and to dare pursuing our dreams more boldly.

If my words have stirred anything in you, may it be a deepened awareness for the love, the people and the gifts in your own life. There will always be elements of your life that aren’t as you’d ideally like them to be. Embrace them as fully as you would those which are exactly as you want. They all combine to create the rich tapestry that is your life. That is our shared experience of life.

Pete never lived the life he had imagined for himself up to his early twenties. He never realized the exciting ambitions that fuelled his youth, never played professional sport, never established a successful career, travelled the world or drove a cool sport car. And yet his life, and the suffering he had to endure, affected the lives of those who loved him in ways we could never have imagined. He taught us to be patient, he taught us to be compassionate, he taught us not to judge those who suffer mental illness, he taught us to love without condition and to give without expectation of return. And in the end, he taught us that life can end suddenly, sadly but that love never does.

For that, I will be forever grateful. And as more tears find their way down my cheeks in the weeks, and likely the years to come when my family gather together, less one, I will offer up to God all my tears, knowing that by connecting with what makes me most sad, it also connects me with what brings me most joy. Our lives, like all great masterpieces, require the darkness in order to highlight the light.

Until next time, feel deeply, love boldly and embrace all of life, however raw.

Question: What lesson did you take away from a loss in your life which caused you sadness and sorrow?

Related posts:

1. Life’s Interruptions: Are You Making the Most of Them?
2. A year ago today and what I’ve learned since
3. The One Gift That Matters Most This Holiday Season
4. The Fort Hood tragedy: what emotions has it triggered in you?
5. A Stress-Free Thanksgiving? Yes, It’s Possible
6. Do you embrace change or resist it?

What I have not found quite as magnificent is having my life interrupted. My four children have been home from school since Thursday and, alas, with another snow storm due to arrive tomorrow, they may well be off all week.  Ukurumba…there goes those plans of mine!

Yet as I sit here with my homemade latte beside my keyboard (the esspresso machine I gave Andrew for Christmas has been worth its weight in gold these last few housebound days!), I can’t help but think about how this storm, with all the interruptions and inconveniences it has brought with it, is a valuable analogy for the bigger storms that come our way through life.

The problem isn’t that things happen in life that completely throw us off our plans, it is that we expect anything otherwise.  Many years ago, midway through the second trimester of pregnancy with my first child, I discovered that it had died. It was New Year’s Eve 1996. To me that baby was already born. I was already a proud mother. But then, in the span of several minutes, without any signs to warn me, I discovered I wasn’t pregnant. I wasn’t going to have that cherished baby. That this new little life inside me was no more. And along with the end of that life, so too ended the plans I had for the year to come — to leave my job, to become a mother. After two more miscarriages I did have a successful pregnancy and on February 1998 I gave birth to a beautiful  and healthy 9 pound boy. Lachlan (pictured above enjoying the snow yesterday) will be 12 this Saturday.

What I learnt from that first miscarriage (a lesson reinforced with other four miscarriages that I had on my way to having four children) was that we are never in control of our plans. Life is too big, too complex, too fragile, too unpredictable and far too uncontrollable to ever expect that we can have things all unfold the way we would like them to. Life just doesn’t work like that. As the saying goes, “Life is what happens while you are making other plans.”

Yes, for me in the realm of children, it was a happy ending with four healthy children. But for some it is not a happy ending. Well at least not the happy ending they would have ideally wanted. For some women, they never get to have the children they crave for. For my brother Frank, who was paralyzed from the waist down two years ago next month, he may never feel the ground beneath his feet again. For those who have lost people they love, had careers derailed, felt the sting of betrayal, suffered from addiction or made a mistake that could never be unmade, the reality they face may never be what they would have ideally wanted it to be.

It is when life does not unfold as we would want that we face the profound choice of how we will respond to the reality around us. Just as I could curse the snow that keeps my kids home from school today, so too we can curse the gods that brought illness and disappointment, suffering and sorrow, hardship and tragedy, into our lives. Or we can open our arms to the experience, we can look for the meaning, receive the lesson and accept the challenge to grow in our capacity for life that they bring.

The English poet Samual Johnson wrote, “Men are wise in proportion not to their experience but to their capacity for experience.”  Who knows why bad things happen to good people, why some people seem to be faced with so much more suffering and misfortune than others, why opportunity and prosperity seem to fall into the laps of some yet elude the diligent efforts of others. I certainly don’t. What I do know though is that each of us are here to experience life to its fullest, to come to know our capacity for all of life — its joy and its rawness, its love and its loss — and, in doing so, to touch the life of others around us by the courage in which we live our own.

So today I will celebrate another day at home with my noisy, rowdy and not very tidy children. I am so blessed to have them. And while I’ve never been enamored with the idea of homeschooling, today I will give it a whirl… at least for an hour… or maybe 20 minutes.  Who knows,  I might even learn something from the experience.

And wherever this finds you right now, whatever interruptions threaten to disrupt the normal (if there is a “normal”) flow of your life, I encourage you to invite them in with grace, with self-trust and with a spirit of curiosity for the gifts they hold. It is those interruptions – unwanted, inconvenient and uncomfortable as they may be - that ultimately expand your capacity for life and enrich your experience of life the most.

Question:  When was the last time you accepted life’s interruptions and turned what could be a negative experience into a positive gift?  Please share your thoughts.

Related posts:

1. Embracing Sorrow So We Can Savor Joy
2. Could you be making bigger, better and BOLDER requests?
3. Are you living your life by design or by accident?
4. What life story are you writing?
5. Is Perfectionism Condemning You to a Life of Immaculate Mediocrity?
6. Are Your Goals for 2010 BIG Enough?

For those who have find themselves out of work, staying positive and proactive in their job hunt can be a lot easier said than done. Rejection after rejection can take a toll on self-confidence, and with that, the motivation needed to keep trying to find work.  But does being unemployed have to mean being miserable? Of course not.

Last week, I appeared on Let’s Talk Live here in D.C. to share some thoughts on how to stay positive when looking for work.

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If you’re out of work (or fear you may be soon), here are six strategies that will help you differentiate yourself from other job seekers, build your resume outside the workplace and land work despite the odds.

1. SPREAD THE WORD. The more people who know you are looking for a new job, the more people who can help you land one. Most people really do want to help but they need to know how they can help. Never underestimate the power of social networks when it comes to building your career, growing your business or finding work. Nothing beats a word of mouth referral or recommendation.
2. STAY UPBEAT. Let’s face it, being out of work can be a joyless experience, but there is nothing to be gained by spending your time getting down on yourself or sharing your story of victimhood with anyone who cares to listen. Potential employers are far more attracted to confident and positive people who have made the most of their extra time out of work than those who have succumbed to self-doubt, disillusionment and the daily TV soaps. Of course getting out the door and being cheerful isn’t always easy, but if you do your best to stay in positive conversations, focus on what you can do versus what you can’t and refuse to get stuck in complaining, then you will find it far easier stay up even when things are getting you down.
3. TIGHTEN YOUR BELT. When you suddenly become unemployed you may need to adjust your budget and stretch whatever severance you received as much as you can. If you qualify for unemployment benefits, register for them. You can always cancel them if you find work before they kick in. Putting first things first could mean that you have to cancel the cable, cook in more often and rent a DVD rather than head to the movies. Remember this is not forever but without your former income those small luxuries may prevent you from paying the bigger bills like the rent or the mortgage. Don’t let your pride get in the way of being smart and responsible with your money.
4. BE OPEN TO OPPORTUNITIES. There is always opportunity in adversity. Always. But those who find the opportunity will be those who are out there looking for it, persevering in the face of rejections and doing the preparation they need to do so that when opportunity arises, they are ready to seize it! Sometimes opportunity can come in disguise, like in a job offer for a position that you are overqualified for or pays less than what you earned before. Again, don’t let your pride trip you up from something that could lead to bigger and better things and pay the bills in the interim!
5. STAY HEALTHY! (Or if you aren’t healthy now, focus on improving it!) Being out of work heightens stress and being stressed lowers the immune system. So while there is never a good time to be sick, when you are in the job market (and your health insurance premium has increased because of that), it is a really bad time to get sick. So make your health and well-being – body, mind and spirit – a top priority. Take time every day to do something that lifts your spirit, that strengthens your body and that keeps your mind sharp. And yes sure, sometimes health issues can be beyond our control, but eating well, getting enough sleep and exercising our bodies are not.
6. GET ORGANIZED. Make looking for a job your new job. Schedule time every day to do something that moves you forward toward that goal, whether directly (by sending off an application, polishing your resume or making follow up phone calls) or indirectly by gaining skills that will make you a more attractive candidate. If there’s one thing that most people in full-time jobs complain about, it’s not having enough time to do everything else they want to do outside the office. Now that you have time on your hands, use it wisely! Keep a written log of jobs you’ve applied for and leads you need to follow up on. At the beginning of every week write down what you want to accomplish each day that week and then each day prioritize the tasks to ensure they get done. In short, get organized and make the most of each and every day!

Remember, nothing lasts forever and eventually this job market will turn around. In the meantime, staying positive and active will ensure that you are in the best position — both professionally and psychologically — to land your next job.

Question: What strategies have you used to stay positive during your job search? Looking back at other tough times you’ve managed, what lessons from then can you apply now to your job search?

Related posts:

1. The Power of Optimism: 7 Strategies for Becoming a Glass Half-Full Person
2. Life’s Interruptions: Are You Making the Most of Them?

While reflecting on what I wanted to do in the year ahead, I found myself feeling a bit anxious. As someone who writes and speaks on living courageously, I wanted to come up with some really big, bold and audacious goals. Yet as I began to do so, I found myself feeling simultaneously overwhelmed by the thought that it was very likely I would fail to achieve them.

Which is when it occurred to me how important it is to make the distinction between a commitment (which any resolution or goal is) and an attachment.

Hopefully you are committed to achieving something(s) that is meaningful to you in 2010. Some of your goals may be very do-able (like my goal to try one new recipe each week). Others may be more of a stretch. What matters most though is not whether or not you achieve each of your goals (or resolutions), but that you give them your very best shot.

As I’m sure you well know, often life can get in the way of following through on what you’ve set out to do. Job loss, illness, market crashes, relocation, children… stuff like that. 2009 was a hard year for many, a cautious year for most, and an unpredictable year for all. And frankly I’m not sure that 2010 will offer any respite when it comes to living with uncertainty. But that doesn’t mean we should hang up the towel and declare 2010 the year of “getting by.” It just means that we need to be willing to adapt them to new circumstances as they arise and let go of our attachment that everything should happen just as we think it should.

So, let me ask you, if you weren’t afraid of failing at achieving your goal and instead threw caution to the wind, what is one thing you would dearly love to accomplish (change, do, create…) between now and the clock striking midnight next New Year’s Eve? What one thing would give you an incredible sense of achievement, delight and joy? (It may be more than one, but it must be at least one thing).

Life never guarantees you anything. Certainty (even in a robust economy) is an illusion. Our experience of life is always what we create it to be and we always have the capacity for new and deeper experiences. So, what’s it gonna be for you in 2010? A year that strengthens your “life muscles” and enlarges your capacity to live it fully or a year that has you playing safe on the sidelines, afraid that if you dare to live it more boldly it mightn’t work out as you want.

The choice is always yours but the bigger risk to take in life is to not take any risks. As Anais Nin said, “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” So here’s to a year of expansion — in your relationships, in your career or business, in the impact you make on those around you, in your ability to rise to the challenges that life brings your way and most of all, to your experience of being alive in the world.

Related posts:

1. A year ago today and what I’ve learned since
2. A Reflection on What Christmas Represents
3. A Stress-Free Thanksgiving? Yes, It’s Possible
4. Life’s Interruptions: Are You Making the Most of Them?
5. Embracing Sorrow So We Can Savor Joy

Let go your attachment to having everything be ‘just perfect’ this Christmas. Rather, go with the flow and savor the unique experience of this festive season — for all that it is and for all that it isn’t. Life, with all its ups and downs, its joy and its sorrow is a precious gift.

Time to celebrate!

Photo courtesy of kugelfish

By the way, as you read this if you’re struggling with how to ease the stress, then watch this interview from yesterday on how to experience more joy this Christmas season.

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Related posts:

1. The One Gift That Matters Most This Holiday Season
2. A Stress-Free Thanksgiving? Yes, It’s Possible
3. Is Perfectionism Condemning You to a Life of Immaculate Mediocrity?

As I’m sure you’ve experienced yourself, it’s very easy to get caught up on the “do it all” and “be it all” merry-go-round this time of year. They call it the silly season for a reason.  Which is why I’ve stopped mid-flight and am writing to you right now. Because most of the time I find that if there’s something I’m struggling with, someone else is too.

So, what to do? First up, is to breathe. It may sound foolish or overly simplistic but pausing and just focusing on the very simple act of breathing can be quite transforming. So how about you do it. Yes…right now. Just follow your breath…in…and out…and as you exhale, imagine all the stressful thoughts leaving your body, your psyche, your spirit and in their place leaving a peaceful quiet and a deep knowing that all is well.

It will only take you one minute right now to breathe in 10 big deep breaths but it will make a difference for many hours to come. I know you have lots on your plate but I also know that you, like me, can spare one minute.

Next up is to ask yourself what really matters to you this Christmas season? Is it to have the best wrapped presents, the most decorated home, the hippest holiday party or is it to truly connect with the people you love most in the world, to deepen the bonds you share and celebrate all the wonderful things that life has brought you?

Presents can be great (really, feel free to send me one anytime you like!) but there is NO greater gift you can give another than your presence. Nothing. It conveys far more than any store-purchased gift can ever do. It makes them feel loved, valued, cared for. In turn it brings more love and meaning into your own life.

So before you press delete and race on through your own long list, ask yourself how much it would really matter if you never got through it. Would the world stop turning? Would your family stop loving you or your friends drop you like a hotcake? Of course not. As you know yourself, it wouldn’t really change all that much. But by letting go having to have it all be perfect, a weight would be lifted from you, enabling you to be more present, more engaged in the moment and more open to experiencing (and giving away) the true Christmas spirit.

Today I am not going to edit this blog post. I am not going to try to perfect it. If there are typos, so be it. If it doesn’t flow properly or make perfect sense, so be it. But if it causes you to stop, to pause, to breathe and to reconnect with what truly matters and to remember the reason for the season, then I am content.

If you have the time, take a minute to watch an interview I did on how to manage holiday stress. Wishing you a happy and holy holiday season. May those you love feel truly loved by you — not by what you give to them, but by who are you being with them. And, as always I’d love to hear your opinion. What strategies or tips do you use to stay mindful of the spirit of this season?

Related posts:

1. A Reflection on What Christmas Represents
2. A Stress-Free Thanksgiving? Yes, It’s Possible
3. Embracing Sorrow So We Can Savor Joy
4. Do you embrace change or resist it?

Of course Thanksgiving, and the festive season it kicks off, can be a very stressful time for many people. The Martha Stewart-like images of happy families, dressed in the lastest holiday fashion, sitting around a decadently decorated table feasting joyfully on gourmet delights, create expectations that can never measure up to reality. Then again, can reality ever measure up to glossy magazine covers? The impact it can have is to leave people feeling like something is missing from their lives. Instead of feeling gratitude for all the goodness present in our lives, many of us find ourselves feeling sad and resentful for all that is missing. . . whether it be someone else to host Thanksgiving lunch, relatives who don’t drive us crazy or a lack of resources to recreate that magazine cover in reality.

So my challenge to you this Thanksgiving holiday (and for those of you not in the US, this festive season in general) is to let go all your expectations about how it “should be” and instead to embrace the circumstances you find yourself in for all that they are, and for all that they aren’t.

While I’ve often traveled back to Australia for the holiday season, this year I’m not. Will I feel some sadness about not having my family (I’m one of seven kids!) closer by to celebrate with? Sure. But I know that dwelling on what’s not just as I’d like it to be keeps me from being grateful for all that is really wonderful. What about you? What expectations do you place on yourself, on others and on reality that keep you from experiencing the full quota of joy and gratitude you’d like to feel in the week ahead? And if you made the decision right now to let those expecations (however reasonable you think they are!) go, how will that ease your frustration and resentment and infuse you with gratitude and peacefulness in their place?

Yes, you can march hurriedly into this silly season with the vigor of a muckety elf, or you can move peacefully through it into 2010 with a spirit of gratitude, wonder and a lightheartedness about all those things that aren’t exactly as you’d like them to be.

Ultimately the choice is yours but just remember, when you catch yourself feeling peeved off with relative X, that the problem is not person X (or Y or Z). The problem is that you expect them to be any different. It’s our attachment to how people (and things) should be that creates all the stress in the first place.

So on that note I invite you to watch this tv interview I did recently about how not to let your family stress you out this Thanksgiving.

Here’s to a Thanksgiving brimming with gratitude for all that you have, for all that you are and for all the people in your life. . . even the ones who press your buttons!

Related posts:

1. A Reflection on What Christmas Represents
2. The One Gift That Matters Most This Holiday Season
3. A year ago today and what I’ve learned since
4. Are Your Goals for 2010 BIG Enough?
5. Do you embrace change or resist it?
6. Get What You Want: 6 Tips To Make Bold Requests

Change is a constant in our lives and yet so often we resist it. As human beings we are wired to avoid change because any type of change, even change for the better, involves a level of discomfort in some shape or form. The whole concept of comfort zones evolved to explain the hedonistic psychological drive in all of us to seek pleasure and avoid pain. Comfort zones — characterized by the familiar, the known, the predictable — are where we risk little except, of course, our spirit’s deepest fulfillment. Change, by its very nature, requires us to step beyond our comfort zone and let go of something we’ve become familiar with — whether it be a the structure of our company, a relationship, a routine, a neighborhood or a physical environment in which we’ve lived or worked — and adapt to something new, something unfamiliar.

As someone who has moved around a lot over the last decade and had four children along the way, I know all too well that change can not only be uncomfortable but it can be inconvenient and, at times, quite overwhelming (as every new mother will tell you). However I also know that unless you are willing to embrace change in your life, you will miss the opportunities your ever-changing environment presents and will be unable to create for yourself a life you really enjoy living.

Perhaps you are someone who feels very averse to change. A creature of habit you call yourself. That is all fine and good. But if your aversion to change has left you unwilling to address the areas of your life you don’t feel good about and fulfill your own unique potential then it is coming at a cost to you. In my experience when people choose to avoid change, even positive change, it is because they doubt their ability to take on the challenges that change will bring. Fear keeps them stuck and resigned to the status quo.

Is there something you do feel not completely great about in any of these aspects of your life?

• Your relationships
• Your home and work environment
• Your career (or lack thereof)
• Your health and general sense of well being
• Your finances
• Your sense of community
• Your recreation/leisure time
• Your life in general!

What would need to change to bring into your life more of what you wanted and less of what you didn’t in whichever areas you feel dissatisfied with? People who achieve true success in their professional and personal lives are those who view change not as something that is bad and to be avoided but as something that is necessary if they are to move toward the goals that inspire them. They don’t resist. They embrace. Likewise the only way you can ever have the life you’d really love to live is by proactively going out and making whatever changes need to be made. But what’s that you say? You feel scared, daunted even? Well of course you do, you’re human! No one is born immune to fear and self-doubt. We all experience it. Likewise, no one is born with an absence of courage. Courage lies within each of us and is not an absence of fear but action in spite of it. So whatever changes you’ve been putting off, know you are capable of taking on much more than you have been giving yourself credit for. Stop underestimating yourself! Sure your life right now might be relatively easy and comfortable but that doesn’t mean it is truly rich in the stuff that makes it truly rewarding and meaningful.

Upgrading your experience of being alive in the world requires willingness to pursue continual personal growth. Growth does not occur in comfort zones. In fact the only way you can grow into your full potential is by stretching yourself a little now and then, and as you do, leaving behind the old in order to experience the new. When you approach change with the right attitude you will become much more confident in your ability to handle life’s challenges and to take on bigger, more exciting challenges that really inspire you.

Today I encourage you to take one small action toward addressing something you feel dissatisfied with. It may require a change to your daily routine, who you hang out with, your commitments, your eating habits, your spending habits or to your willingness to have conversation that you’ve long been putting off. . . whatever! The most important thing is to step into action and as you do remember that you really are much much more capable and courageous than you think you are!

Related posts:

1. Here I Am!
2. Find Your Courage: 5 Simple Steps to Stop Fear From Running Your Life
3. The Power of Optimism: 7 Strategies for Becoming a Glass Half-Full Person
4. Do you embrace change or resist it?

Disappointment is an emotion we feel when we don’t get the outcome we want or expect. When reality fails to conform to what we think it should be, disappointment (often combined with resentment or frustration) rises up within us, sometimes with an intensity that knocks us down hard. As human beings wired to become attached to certain outcomes, we are destined to experience it throughout the course of our lives. Having just spent two days last week with the Dalai Llama, I now know that even the most enlightened among us are not immune to emotions such as disappointment. Rather they have just learnt how not to let those emotions take hold. But I believe deeply that if we only ever had things work out the way we wanted, we would never value success and we’d never develop the resilience or wisdom God (or the universe or whatever you choose to call it) intended us to.

It’s the knocks in life, the setbacks and disappointments that allow us to savor and fully appreciate the wins and successes. As I work through disappointment I am called to deepen my faith — in the belief that everything is exactly as it should be (even though that’s not always how I want it to be), in myself and in my own resourcefulness. It also calls me to listen more closely to my own intuition and to trust that within every disappointment lies the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit. I just have to find it. You just have to find it. Does that lessen the blow for Lachlan as he comes to accept a reality that is different from the one he’d attached himself to? Nope. Not much. But I have great faith that his character, in his resilience and in his ability to deal with other disappointments that may line his path through life will be strengthened because of it.

Our disappointment can be eased when we realize that no matter how hard we might try or hope otherwise, we can never force the world to submit to our idea of how it should be nor force people to act a certain way. Expecting those around us to always respond with wisdom, generosity, good judgment, thoughtfulness or humility is setting ourselves up for disappointment. Just as our ego sometimes gets the better of us, so too others fall prey to theirs. Likewise, we can never expect life to always unfold a certain way — for our good deeds to be recognized, for our generosity to be returned, for our honesty to be rewarded or our courage to be recognized. Not in the short term anyway.

All you can ever do, in the face of the disappointments that life brings your way is to step forward into each day, into each new challenge (however unexpected, unfair or daunting) with trust in yourself, faith in your future and arms open wide to each and every experience that life brings your way. Life can only ever be lived in the moment. We are missing the boat when we spend our days stuck in regret and resentment about what happened yesterday or in fear and anxiety about what might happen tomorrow.

Right now, in this moment, trust that you are exactly where you need to be and that precious lessons on wisdom, courage, faith and self-trust are waiting on you to be uncovered. And for those whom you are disappointed in, know that they have their own lessons to learn and that ultimately, what goes around will come around. I encourage you to breathe deeply into this moment. Really deeply. Right to the bottom of your stomach, and as you breathe out, let go your anxiety about the future and any disappointments of the past. Rather just give today the best you have — for all that it is and for all that it isn’t.

Until next time, live wholeheartedly.