The packers arrive today. They will bring boxes, tape, paper…  lots of it.

In a few days my life as I know it will be packed away and loaded into a container bound for Australia.

I know moving back to Australia will be wonderful on many fronts. But there is something about the very nature of change that makes it difficult, even when it’s change we choose and change that holds much to look forward to.

The photo above is one that I took of a former village consumed by the sands of the Sahara Dessert in southern Algeria many years ago. It’s message: Nothing is permanent.

The fact is that all change, even change for the better, is hard. Sure as one chapter closes, another begins. But there’s something about the closing that brings up a sense of loss, grief even.

I’ve felt an abundance of mixed emotions since my husband and I decided to move back to Melbourne earlier last month.

None of them are bad. Though some haven’t felt so good.
I’ve felt sad at leaving so many friends whom I’ve grown to love so much.
I’ve felt anxious about choosing the right place to live, and getting my kids into great schools.
I’ve felt overwhelmed at the thousand things we’ve had to do to close down our life here and set it up there.
I’ve felt delighted about living close to the beach, and closer to my parents, brothers and sisters.
I’ve felt touched by the outpouring of love from our friends as they’ve shared how much they will miss us.
I’ve felt perplexed by the fact that some really cool opportunities in TV-land have come just as I’m getting ready to go.
I’ve felt scared that maybe I will never have life so good again.
And I’ve felt excited about the opportunities that I will create in Australia… opportunities I’ve yet had time to even imagine. Haven’t had the time!

I know that I am not my emotions. I also know that every emotion is valid in its own right. I don’t have to let my emotions consume me. I don’t ‘have to let them dictate who I will be, or let them set up permanent residence in my psyche.

Every time I’ve felt any of these emotions listed above, plus many more I won’t even list, I’ve done my best to acknowledge it, sat with it, and try to embrace it. A few tears have been shed along the way.  I know that life is a roller coaster of emotions and right now, with so much going on in my life, the roller coaster is at full tilt!

Amazing new adventures await. Yet I know the next few months  won’t all be easy. Learning the ropes of my kids new schools, relearning my way around our old city, getting set up with new orthodontists and sitters and hair dresses. Mundane stuff like that can sometimes be taxing. Then, come later in March when those containers arrive off the ship, unpacking them into the home we hope to find in the interim.

The funny thing is that had I not said YES to moving to America in in 2001, with three tiny babies (and to Dallas no less!!), I would never have come to experience all that I have here. And so I know that while change can be hard, even change we choose, it is also ripe in opportunity and the experiences which make life rich.

As I’ve said previously, I am not leaving the US forever. In fact I will probably be back here within a couple months to speak at conferences and events. But when I step foot in America next time, it will be as a visitor, not as a resident. And something about that new reality will feel strange. Not bad. Not good. Just different.

Such is change, right?

Whatever changes you have coming your way in the year ahead, I wish for you to know that whatever their nature, you have all the courage, resilience and resourcefulness within you to meet them. One day, one hour, and some days, one minute at a time.

The photo above of the former village in the Sahara being consumed be sand tells a profound and timeless message. Nothing is permanent.

And so it is.

Life boldly, lead bravely, love deeply.

Related posts:

1. “New Year, New… Hemisphere!”
2. Wisdom from Sorrow, Lessons from Loss… the Gift of Sadness.
3. How powerful are you? Become Your Own Super Hero.
4. Is Uncertainty Causing You Anguish? Time to shift perspective
5. Neuro-Plasticity: Want To Outsmart Your Brain?
6. Procrastination: How is it costing you?

Plenty of change lies ahead in 2012.  For you. For me. For people around the globe. That you will experience changes, and need to face new challenges, is a given. Whether your experience of them is one of wonder or terror, enthusiasm or despair, is a choice.  So when it comes to the spirit in which you will step into the year ahead, where is your life in 2012 calling on you to be more courageous?

You’ve likely experienced it yourself: Brimming with resolve on December 31^st as you boldly declare the goals and changes you plan to make in the year ahead, and by January 31st that resolve is evaporated into the crisp winter air, nowhere to be found.

New Year Resolutions? Bah Humbug. What knucklehead came up with the idea anyway?!

There’s a reason less than 10% of people ever see their new year’s resolutions into reality and end up stuck in the same ruts year after year:  Change is difficult.  Heck, if it were easy to keep our resolve, and stick with the changes we commit to making as we sip champagne on New Year’s Eve, we’d all be meditating daily, looking svelte in our jeans, drinking a gallon of water daily, snacking on raw veggies and free of credit card debt.  The truth is that we all have the ability to make important changes in our life, and to keep our New Year’s Resolutions (assuming, that is, that we didn’t make them in a drunken stupor).  The problem is that we often lack the strategies needed to see them through.

I’ve got a L-O-T of change ahead in 2012.  Moving to a new country (Australia, here I come!). Finding and setting up a new home. Managing my business across two hemispheres. Settling my four kids into new schools. Making new friends.  Building new business networks. And in the midst of it all, enjoying the process (i.e., not getting stuck in “overwhelm”), staying fit(-ish), and finishing the book I embarked upon in 2011. Yep, when it comes to life changes, my cup runneth over in 2012!

There’s a science to success when it comes to achieving goals and making important life changes.   Using the right strategies can make the vital difference between optimism and overwhelm, productivity and procrastination, resignation and resilience… success and failure!  So I hope that as I do my best to “walk my talk” in 2012, that you will find the 8 strategies below helpful in making the changes and taking the chances you want to make in the months ahead… purposefully, powerfully and courageously!

8 Strategies to Successful Changes in 2012 and far far beyond!

1.   Connect to Core Values. Most people like the idea of looking better, getting richer and feeling happier.  But if you are going to stick with a resolution that requires changing a long-held habit of thought or action, it has to go beyond superficial desires and connect with your deepest values. When you have a deeper sense of purpose, it compels you to dig deep when the going gets tough and stay the course – no matter what hurdles you have to jump.

2. Be Specific.   Resolutions to ‘eat better, get fitter, be happier, relax more or have better life balance’ are doomed for failure because they lack specificity. The more specific you are, the more likely you will be able to succeed.   Describe your goals and resolutions in ways that allow you to track your progress and measure your success.

3.   Design Your Environment. Your environment can be a powerful source of support.  It can also be equally powerful in sabotaging your resolve if you don’t attend to it. Create a progress chart, enlist the help of family or friends to hold you accountable, hire a trainer, create a blog.  Design your environment so that it’s hard NOT to do what you resolved to do. I always lay my workout gear beside my bed at night to make it that little bit easier to get dressed when my alarm goes off at 5:30am.  I also enlist my husband, who gets up at 5:15 (yes, he’s even less sane than me) to make sure I don’t press snooze!

4. Center Your Resolve. Being ambitious is great. But trying to do too many things at once can make you so unfocused that you just bounce around like Tigger. Besides, you have the rest of the year to pursue other goals and changes. Set yourself up for success and start with just one major undertaking come January 1^st.   Then break that goal down into small bite size steps.  Small steps, strong start!

5.   Write it Down. Don’t just think it, ink it!  A Stanford study found that when people wrote down their goal, it increased their odds of accomplishing it by over 70%.   But don’t just write down the specific goal, write down how you will feel when you’ve accomplished it.  When you have finished penning your desires, jot down on sticky pads the words that inspire you most about your goal and put them around your home/office to remind you of why you are committed to doing what it takes to bring your goal into reality.

6. Reframe Failure. Your failures will not define your success in the year ahead, but how you respond to them will. Social conditioning too often leads us to believe that if you fail you should go home, hide your dreams under your bed, and never let them see daylight again. Don’t make a failure mean more than it does. You tried something, it didn’t work out as you wanted. Period. Reflect on the lesson your failure offers, making adjustments accordingly, then tap your inner John Wayne:  saddle up again and climb back on your horse!

7. Focus on the process. Psychologists have found that it takes at least 30 days to firmly establish a new habit of thought or behavior. It’s easy to get caught up in an initial wave of enthusiasm, certain that your efforts will meet with early success, only to come crashing down when they don’t.  Rather than focus purely on the goal, direct your attention toward becoming masterful in the activity or process that takes you toward it.  For instance, if you want to become more fit, focus on being able to jog a little bit further every time you go for a walk, rather than being able to run 5 miles by day five. Remember, small steps. If you stick with the process and embrace the learning that process entails, you will meet with success. Promise!

8. Do One Thing Every Day.   Make a commitment that every single day you will do one thing, however small it may seem, in the direction of your vision.  Okay, so you didn’t get to the gym like you’d planned.  How about 5 minutes of stretching?  Life rewards action.  And while some actions may not seem all that significant, when you take any action that serves your greatest good, it sends a message to your sub-conscious that you are still in the game, and that change is still in progress (however slowly).

Making changes to any aspect of your life demands focused effort, perseverance, and a good measure of boldness. But no more than already you have within you, just waiting to be channeled toward an endeavor that truly inspires you.  As I pursue my goal to spread my message of courage more widely around the globe, I challenge you to step beyond the doubts, excuses and stories that have kept you from experiencing the best of who you are, trusting in yourself more deeply, and boldly stepping into a future that honors your greatness.

Related posts:

1. Will 2012 be your year of living boldly? Here’s to New Year’s Resolve that Sticks!
2. “New Year, New… Hemisphere!”
3. Got Tall Poppy Courage?
4. Are Your Goals for 2010 BIG Enough?
5. What would the courageous version of you do?
6. Find Your Courage: 5 Simple Steps to Stop Fear From Running Your Life

Yes, I’m moving!

Moving kids. Moving house. Moving state. Moving country. Moving hemisphere!

Down Under!

After a decade living and thriving and LOVING the USA, I’m heading back to my homeland, back to my ‘hometown’ of Melbourne. Closer to Grandpa’s farm, closer to cousins, closer to the beach!

Weeks after 9/11 when I moved with my husband and three very young children to Texas, I thought we’d be in the US for just a short time. Ten years (and one Texan – our 4^th child) later I’ve become so at home in America that I feel like I’m leaving one home to move to another.  After all, I have only lived in Melbourne briefly since heading off to  live in Papua New Guinea 17 years ago.

I’m guessing you’re surprised.   Well let me tell you, so am I!

Basically my husband got a job offer he simply could not refuse! While it’s likely we will only be back there for a few years, who knows? Right now I’m keeping focused on the year right ahead.  As of today, I have one month to pack up my home, sell and give away lots of “Stuff,” find a new home, and, of course, say farewell to our many fabulous friends before we catch that plane.

But don’t worry, I WILL BE BACK!

Regularly!  The irony did not escape me that he day after we decided to make this move, I was asked to speak at three conferences across the US in 2012 and firmed up a meeting to contribute to a national TV show that will air next year. So I think its fair to say, if you live in America, you haven’t seen the last of me yet!  I’ve gone global!

I have long thought of myself as a Global Citizen. Yes, I’m Australian by birth, passport and accent. But borders are easier to cross, air miles easier to accrue, and people easier to connect with than ever before.

Of course my passion for empowering people to live courageous lives never wavers. In fact, if anything, as I spread my wings to the other side of the globe, I feel more strongly than ever about the importance of living courageously in a climate that has become so fearful. I truly believe there has never been a more important time to discern those fears that are serving us from those that are stifling us, to refuse to buy into dogma that drives us to create barriers rather than bridges, and to resist pressures to play safe, think small, stick with the status quo and settle for less from ourselves, and life, than serves us.

There’s no doubt about it, lots of change lies ahead for me in 2012. But I also know that nothing is truly permanent and that life’s biggest changes, also present its greatest opportunities. So, with that said, I embrace the words of Helen Keller that have always inspired me so much:

“Life is a daring adventure or nothing!”

Indeed it is. New Year, New Hemisphere… New Adventures await!  This next chapter will undoubtedly involve more sun, surf and sand. Likely a few more swear words too (those bloody Aussies love to swear!)

I look forward to you joining me on my life adventure as I continue my life’s work in supporting you in yours.

In the meanwhile, wishing you a very Merry Christmas and a bold and bodacious start to the year ahead.

Related posts:

1. Moving to Australia… Changes Abound!
2. Will 2012 be your year of living boldly? Here’s to New Year’s Resolve that Sticks!
3. A year ago today and what I’ve learned since
4. What courageous changes will you make in 2012?
5. Is Uncertainty Causing You Anguish? Time to shift perspective
6. Neuro-Plasticity: Want To Outsmart Your Brain?

Of course Thanksgiving, and the festive holiday season it kicks off, can be a very stressful time for many people (way too many people in my mind!) The Martha Stewart-like images of happy families, dressed in the lastest holiday fashion, sitting around a decadently decorated table feasting joyfully on gourmet delights, create expectations that can never measure up to reality.

We get so busy-busy-busy ploughing through our long “To Do” lists all our hectic doing somehow hijacks who we are BEING. The result: we start feeling like something is missing from our lives. Instead of feeling gratitude for all that we have, many of us find ourselves focused on all that is missing. . . whether it be someone else to host Thanksgiving dinner, relatives who don’t drive us crazy, or the resources to recreate that glossy magazine cover in reality.

So my challenge to you this Thanksgiving holiday (and for those of you elsewhere around the globe, this festive season in general) is to take take a moment in your day, every day, to pause from all your doing, take a deep breath and consciously commit to letting go all your expectations about how it “should be”. In the space that opens up, you will be better able to graciously embrace the circumstances you find yourself in for all that they are, and for all that they aren’t. There is nothing that can shift your experience of stress as quickly as gratitude. That said, there are some other things you can do to create a more joy filled festive season. Here’s five below: 

Here are five strategies to help you ENJOY MORE, and STRESS LESS this holiday season:

1. Don’t “Should” On Yourself (or Let Others “Should” On You): Deciding upfront to let go the idea that your holiday will ever be postcard-perfect will free you up to enjoy it for all that it is, and for all that it isn’t! Drop all the “shoulds” and unrealistic expectations that only create stress, conflict and resentment — “we should all get along,” “the table should be decorated Martha Stewart style”, “we should all have fun,” “everyone should come home for the holidays”, “we should all give thoughtful gifts” …. and the list goes on. It’s our attachment to how things should be that causes the bulk of our holiday stress and upsets. If you let go having to have things be a certain way, it allows you to enjoy things just as they are.
2. Create New Traditions (& Turf Out Old Tired Ones): Be careful that you aren’t being a slave to tradition. Sometimes, traditions outgrow themselves. Just because “that’s how we’ve always done it” doesn’t mean you still should. Start a new tradition or, just for this year, break with the old one. We are cooking beef tenderloin for Thanksgiving lunch this year. Not because we don’t like the turkey tradition, but just because it’s quicker and easier to prepare and that suits us better this year. No right or wrong about parting way with tradition… even if just for a year.
3. Think Outside the (Gift) Box: The best presents are never the most expensive but the most thoughtful. Give someone a voucher for a massage, breakfast in bed or a night out at the movies and drinks afterward. And of course, spend wisely – you aren’t being generous spending money on others if you can’t afford it.
4. Express Gratitude More Generously: Like a sweet treat, expressing gratitude or just paying a compliment has a have a way of immediately lifting others’ spirits by bringing a smile to their face. Just think about whose day you brighten by taking a moment to appreciate today. Pick up the phone, send them a card, flick them an email… it takes only a little time in your day to give it but it can make a profound difference to the person you give it to.
5. Lighten Up, Laugh (at Yourself first), and Have Fun!: Make sure that in between working your way through your to-do list you make time for fun. Don your playful hat and look for simple ways to have fun,  at work and home. Hold silly contests like who has the most unfashionable holiday apparel. Play your golden oldies CDs at breakfast… or in the office (everyone has to bring in their own). Keep your ideas simple and focused on involving everyone and having a fun time.

So on that note I invite you to view this video to help you enjoy more, and stress less this Thanksgiving and holiday season.

Here’s to a Thanksgiving brimming with gratitude for all that you have, for all that you are and for all the people in your life. . . even the ones who press your buttons!

Related posts:

1. It’s Beef Tenderloin For Me This Thanksgiving
2. A Reflection on What Christmas Represents
3. Presents and Presence This Holiday Season
4. The One Gift That Matters Most This Holiday Season
5. Letting our kids (family & friends) walk their own path
6. Is Uncertainty Causing You Anguish? Time to shift perspective

 One evening last week a girlfriend dropped in for an impromptu visit and said she needed a glass of wine. Being the good friend I am I dutifully shared a bottle with her. Which was all fine until the next morning when I realized that I’d forgotten to set my alarm and missed one of my kids parent teacher interviews at 7.15. Needless to say, when I rang him to apologize I felt very badly. He couldn’t have been nicer but still, I dropped the ball big time.

And then, over the weekend, I snapped at my son as I was  driving him to basketball… or was it soccer or a friends house… too long ago to remember.  He was flipping through radio stations to the point that it was doing my head in. I could have gently asked him to leave the dial alone. But no, I snapped. He recoiled, hurt.  Aggggh…I am sooo not a perfect mum. 

And now, today I am writing this article. Or trying to. Wishing I could up with the perfect words to write to change your life forever. Alas, I’m guessing I will fall far short.

And so it is that I go through my days, often slipping up, messing up, and failing to live up to the expectations and standards I have for myself. I am sooo not perfect. In fact if you were to measure the distance between me and perfect, it would have be done in light years.

Don’t get me wrong though - I  have no bone to pick with perfectionists. Well not those who might find themselves operating on my heart, building my home or fixing the brakes in my car. But we need to discern between those times when aiming for perfectionism is serving us (and those around us… in the case of the heart surgeon) and when it is holding us back. Being a perfectionist is not the same thing as being a person who wants to be the best version of themselves that they can be (even though it may sound the same.) Wanting to improve ourselves is distinctly different than wanting to prove our worthiness to others. Or even to ourselves.

When I snapped at my son I immediately felt guilty. I pulled the car over to the side of the road, took a few deep breaths and when I’d regained my composure, I told him I was sorry. He didn’t want to look at me initially. He was wounded. Angry too.  I asked him if he’d forgive me and he told me he needed to think about it a few more minutes. By the time we’d arrived at basketball he said “I forgive you mum. Just don’t do it again.” I told him I’d do my best. And I will.

But do you think I can guarantee never to lose my temper again, to snap at one of my kids, be thoughtless with a friend, or judgmental about someone? If only!  I will do my best to do better, but I know that I am going to slip up again. What I’m learning, albeit rather slowly, is that when I fail to be the person I’d like to be,  the most fruitful way I can respond is by being honest with myself about my behavior, forgiving myself for it, and then doing what I can to make amends and not do it again.  What doesn’t help me is to beat up on myself for being a pathetic and faulted human being, to blame others or make excuses to justify what I’ve done.

The quest for perfectionism leaves us stuck on a merry-go-round that takes us around and around in circles,  but never forward. The merry-go-round has no place for compassion. It intolerant of vulnerability. There is no embracing those aspects of us that flawed; only berating them or trying to cover them up lest they be expose to those we seek to impress or prove our worthiness to.    While we are stuck on that merry-go-round we are also stuck from moving forward in creating a more rewarding and meaningful experience of life  in four core ways.

1. Perfectionism isolates and undermines intimacy

Acknowledging our shortcomings, fears and failures makes us vulnerableto disapproval. Possibly even rejection. But it also allows us to connect more deeply with people around us. It’s very hard to feel comfortable with someone who seems to be “perfect” (even when we know that they can’t possibly have it as together as they portray). We connect to people most deeply through our vulnerability, our struggles and sharingthose aspects our inner (and sometimes outer) lives which aren’t as we would like them to be. When we are driven to prove to others how smart-beautiful- successful-loveable -organized-capable-together- thoughtful-etcetera we are we create a barrier. That doesn’t mean that we can’t be all of those things.  But remember, there’s a distinct difference between trying to improve yourself and prove yourself to others. One brings you fulfillment, the other brings you constant striving but never arriving.

2. Perfectionism hampers learning and stifles growth 

Perfectionism can profoundly limit accomplishment. It keeps us from taking risks that might result in a greater accomplishment or professional mastery because we are afraid of messing up or looking, being exposed as a fraud or looking, well. . .  less than perfect. Think about how many adults who never learned to swim as children refuse to learn as adults. Why? Because they don’t want to go through the same learning curve that every child must go through in order to stay afloat. I have to admit, there is nothing I admire more than  the courage I see in adults who decide to learn a skill that the rest of us learnt in our youth (whether it be swimming, driving a car or riding a bike).

3. Perfectionism limits productivity and confines us to “Immaculate Mediocrity”

There are too many people living lives of immaculate mediocrity – perfect on the outside but scoring low when it comes to doing anything of real value.  Perfectionism can impede our ability to use the time we have each day in an optimal way and drive us to spending it on “stuff” that really doesn’t matter.  For instance, I would not have sat down to write this article if my house first had to be perfect. With four typical messy kids, I’d never even step outside my home each day if it had to be perfect.   Whether it’s our home or our hair or the formatting on the power point presentation we are creating for a meeting,  it pays to continually ask yourself:  “Is this the best use of my time? How much does this matter versus the other  could be doing with my time and energy?”  It’s very easy to slide down a slippery slope into a quagmire of low value “small stuff” that can, if we let it, consume all our energy and squander our ability to do something more worthwhile.

of people who would love to have the life you live.  But when we are caught on the perfectionism merry-go-round, we are unable to be truly present to, and grateful for, our many blessings. Whether it’s your body, your spouse, your home, your kids or your job, when you are focused on everything that isn’t “just right” and good in your life it keeps you from being truly present to all that is. Life’s perfection actually exists in its imperfection. The truth is that if life were perfect, it wouldn’t be! You can’t always see the perfection of life in the moment through the narrow lens of where you stand today, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

The only way off the perfectionists merry-go-round is to acknowledge your fear of not being “good enough”and embrace  your innate worthiness just as you are – flawts and all (flawt = flaw + wart).  Making it a practice to ask yourself if the stuff you are expending your precious time and energy on is worthy of you frees you up to face your challenges more powerfully, pursue your goals more powerfully, and enjoy each day more fully. There is no-one on planet earth with the same combination of talents, experiences and skills as have. And while there is also no-one  on the planet with the same magnificient combination of flaws and failings, I invite you to consider:

1. What makes you feel vulnerable when you think about giving up your quest for perfectionism?  Why?

2. How would owning your own imperfectness free you up to be more forgiving of yourself and of all the equally imperfect people around you?

3. How might you enjoy your life more if you could accept your current life circumstances as they are right now despite those aspects which aren’t as you’d like them to be?

I invite you right now to embrace life’s imperfection more fully and give up the thankless quest for “perfect”. It will take years off your life. It will also free you to connect more deeply with others, enjoy a deeper sense of gratitude and, most importantly, give you the courage pursue your aspirations more boldly.

Now. . . what could be more perfect!?

Now, off to prepare a very imperfect meal for my family.  For most things in life, good enough really is good enough. DITCH PEREFECCT… however you spell it. I’m not that good of a spella either.

Related posts:

1. Authenticity: Are you sometimes afraid to be yourself?
2. The One Gift That Matters Most This Holiday Season
3. Does Fear Cloud Your Intuition? The Instincts You Should Never Ignore
4. Got Tall Poppy Courage?
5. Neuro-Plasticity: Want To Outsmart Your Brain?
6. “New Year, New… Hemisphere!”

I remember watching a young woman, ashen faced, on my television in the hours after the twin towers collapsed.  She was in Manhattan and was searching desperately for her fiance. He worked on the eighty-something floor of the World Trade Center. They were getting married later that month. She had been walking non-stop for six or seven hours, from hospital to hospital trying to find him. She held a placard up to the camera with a picture of him with his name underneath and her cell phone. She pleaded for anyone who had seen him to contact her.  She wasn’t crying. She looked too shocked to cry.  She just said she was keeping faith that he would be found alive and that she would not stop her search until she found him.

Today as millions commemorate the tenth anniversary of the devastating attacks on America, there is much to reflect on.  Just as none of us could ever imagined the events of that day, none of us could know how history would unfold in the decade to follow.

Amidst all the lessons and remembrances,  I believe one of the most important things we should all do today is to reflect on the extra-ordinary courage we witnessed that day and in the days and months, and indeed years,  that followed. On 9/11 we witnessed bravery and heroism by people who would have told you they were neither brave nor heroic. And in the years that have followed, as thousands have headed to foreign lands to fight a “war against terror” or stayed at home to rebuild lives torn apart by terrorists,  we have witnessed more of the same.

Whether you were directly affected by 9/11, or, like me, were not, there are powerful and inspiring lessons to draw from it. And to me none more powerful, that acknowledging that we too often underestimate our potential for bravery, for courage, and for heroism.  We assume that because we have never entered a burning building, nor put our lives on the line for others, nor had to cope with the tragic loss of someone we love to an act of hate, that we don’t have the courage we witness in others. But that is simply not true. Every one of has the potential to act with amazing courage, it’s just that we have not all been found ourselves in circumstances where we felt compelled to do so.

I never found out what happened to that young woman; whether she found her fiance or not. But I recall as I sat glued to my TV screen, that my heart was filled with foreboding for her.  And while I hope that hers was a story that ended with relief and joy and gratitude,  something still tells me that it didn’t, and that she joined the many thousands of others whose hearts were wrenched apart that day. 

Our lives have all moved on in the last ten years. Events beyond our control have shaped us in ways we would never have known or predicted. Today you will likely find yourself watching replays of the images from today ten years ago. As you reflect on how you felt that day, and on the courage you saw in the brave men and women, New York fireman front and center, who risked and gave their lives to save others that day, I invite you to reconnect to with your own courage and to commit to risking greater vulnerability so that you can live your life more fully and honor the thousands who lost their lives that day, ten years ago today.

Related posts:

1. If your life were a sermon, what would it say?
2. A time for Audacity, not Austerity… and some Tall Poppy Courage!
3. Got Tall Poppy Courage?
4. Give the Gift of Courage! (Special Holiday Offer)
5. What the Japanese can teach us about courage in crisis
6. Choosing courage in fearful times

Related posts:

1. Give the Gift of Courage! (Special Holiday Offer)
2. Got Tall Poppy Courage?
3. A time for Audacity, not Austerity… and some Tall Poppy Courage!
4. Find Your Courage: 5 Simple Steps to Stop Fear From Running Your Life
5. The single biggest factor that holds people back…
6. Do you allow yourself to be intimidated?

Perhaps your idea of power relates to people in positions of high office and formal authority — politicians, company presidents, policemen and the like. But I define power not as formal authority, but as one’s ability to affect change. In other words, being powerful is far more than a job title; it’s an attitude. To me, truly powerful people are those who live life on their terms, who are comfortable in their own skin, clear about what they want, courageous in how they go about achieving it, and very conscious of the power they have to choose their response to their circumstances. They aren’t waiting on some mythical super hero to solve their problems or grant them persmission to live life on their own terms, they are their own super hero.

I guess it goes without saying that there are many people in the world who don’t live their lives powerfully. People who:

• continually find themselves a victim to their circumstances (and so are forever in “complaint”)
• are always trying to please or impress people around them
• say yes when they want to say no and so constantly find themselves over-committed (and failing to honor commitments)
• don’t challenge the values and beliefs of those around them nor take time to clarify their own
• allow other people’s moods and emotions to determine their own
• who settle for way less than what they want both from others and from themselves
• go through life rudderless and following the path of least resistance
• avoid speaking up if it might ruffle feathers, or worse, risk a confrontation
• don’t believe in their ability to change the things they don’t like nor to pursue the things they do

Of course at times we can all find ourselves failing to act in powerful ways (and yes, I’m speaking from experience ). But what matters most isn’t that we sometimes fail to express ourselves authentically, stand for what we want and refuse to settle for what we don’t. After all, we are all “human becomings – always evolving and sometimes tripping as we move along. Rather what matters most is that we notice when we are doing so and then consciously choose to reset our sails, reclaim our voice and step forward doing and being all we aspire to.

It is my deepest belief that we are all — and yes, that includes you — powerful beyond measure. That within you lies the resources to create and accomplish extra-ordinary things and to affect change in the world in extraordinary ways. Truly. The thing that keeps most people from doing that is not all the barriers the world has erected to keep them stuck. It is simply their lack of belief in themselves; in their own personal power.

In case you haven’t already picked it up, I’m pretty passionate about empowering people to reconnect with their personal power; to be their own super hero. Which is why I’m hoping this will cause you to stop all that busy doing and reflect, even if just for one minute, on the life you are living and the limits you have imposed on yourself. As I wrote about in my book Find Your Courage, the biggest barrier you face to having the life you want to live is the stories you’ve bought into about what is possible for you. So take a step back and ask yourself, “Where could I be more powerful?” Where could you be affecting positive change more profoundly and more boldly in the life you are living, in the lives of those around you, in your team, organization or community. . .  in the world at large. (For an example of personal power in action, please read about the One Day Without Shoes campaign!)

Believe me, you have more power in you to affect change, to produce results, to change your life and by default, the lives of others than you can possibly imagine!

And if you don’t know where to start, begin by answering this one simple question, “If I knew that I could change anything, what one thing would I choose to change in my life today?”

Related posts:

1. Does Fear Cloud Your Intuition? The Instincts You Should Never Ignore
2. Your failures don’t define you. Your response does.
3. Neuro-Plasticity: Want To Outsmart Your Brain?
4. The single biggest factor that holds people back…
5. Procrastination: How is it costing you?
6. Moving to Australia… Changes Abound!

The first time I read that my brain was plastic I thought it was a joke.  That was until I realized the author wasn’t talking about plastic as in a plate, but as in pliable.

As brain imaging technology has advanced, so too has our understanding of how the brain works. One of the most significant findings has been the discovery that our brain doesn’t stop growing when our body does; that is, that it has the ability to adapt and change right up to the end of our life.  This means that just because we have well established ways of processing information and responding to our environment, we are still capable of developing new and more constructive ways in the future.  While a deeper understanding of neuro-plasticity is extremely relevant for people who have suffered from a stroke or other traumatic brain injury, what has piqued my interest most is its application for those of us whose brains already work perfectly well.  Most days, anyway.

I must admit though, my enlightened understanding about my brain’s “plasticity” has been both a help and a bother.  No longer can I justify my inability to figure out how to back-up my computer with excuses like “I’m just not a technology person.”  And though at times I’ve cursed my new found knowledge about my brain’s ability to master skills that have long eluded me, develop healthier habits, and learn new ways of responding to environmental triggers, ultimately this knowledge has been extremely valuable.  I now know that the old adage “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” is really just a false and convenient belief that spares us from the effort involved in learning new tricks – like backing up my computer!

Last week I attended a coaching conference where Dr. Jeffry Schwartz, UCLA Professor of Psychiatry and author of You Are Not Your Brain, spoke about his research findings on neuro-plasticity.  What he shared reinforced my understanding and confirmed what I intuitively knew and wrote about in Find Your Courage.  Which is, that by intentionally choosing to view your environment in new ways, rewrite your personal narrative, and step into action in the presence of your fears, you become more competent in whatever those actions may be, but also build your “courage muscles” so you can respond more effectively in other areas of your life.  Whether in the conversations you have with your work colleagues, your confidence in asserting boundaries in your personal life, or your willingness to take on goals that you’ve previously shied away from, by practicing new ways of interacting in your environment, you are able to build new pathways in your brain and produce new (and better) results in your life.

Neuro-scienctific findings, like those also detailed in Dr. Norman Doidge’s great book The Brain that Changes Itself, have proven that right up to the end of our lives we can build new neural pathways in our brain that ultimately rewire it. Of course just like creating a new pathway in the forest requires more than a one-time walk off the beaten track, so too does creating a new pathway in the brain take more than a one-off action.  It takes repetition.  Or in the case of developing a new habit that usurps an unhealthy old one, or even a new way of dealing with people and life – whether it is timidity, laziness or pessimism – it takes practice. Repeated practice.  After all, it took your entire lifetime to develop the default ways of thinking and acting that you have today.  Rewiring the way you think and act is going to take time.

Self-directed neuro-plasticity may sound all very high-brow and intellectual.  But at its core it’s pretty simple:  building self-awareness – the foundation for success in every arena of life.  That is, cultivating your ability to observe yourself so that you notice, as a detached observer, what you are thinking and feeling and how each are feeding off each other in any given moment.  This is crucial because you can only make new and more constructive choices when you are conscious of the ones you are making now.

In my own efforts to build self-awareness, just this morning I noticed myself complaining to a friend about the fact that just a few days from now my four kids will be off from school for the summer.  “There goes my productivity for the next 3 months,” I heard myself lamenting.  In the car on my way home I thought about how powerless that statement was; as though my productivity is entirely at the mercy of my childrens’ summer holidays.  By noticing myself verbalizing such a disempowering thought it opened up the window for me to choose to think a more constructive one.  The truth is that the summer months provide me with a unique and valuable opportunity.  Sure, my home (where I generally work) will be noisier, and my days less my own, but that doesn’t mean I can no longer be productive.  I can use these summer months to hone my focus during the hours I put aside to work, practice greater flexibility in how I structure my day, and prioritize my time more effectively so I can be fully engaged in whatever I’m doing and whomever I’m doing it with – kids or clients.

The S.O.A.R² Approach to Outsmart Your Brain

As you’ve been reading this you may have thought of some areas of your life where you aren’t feeling as powerful or positive as you would like.  I invite you to practice self-directed neuro-plasticity and rewire your brain’s default way of responding by working through each of the following 5 steps which comprise my S.O.A.R² Model for behavior change and resilience building (the basic building blocks for SOARing to new heights of success in work, love & life!)

1. STOP what you are doing and notice the thoughts you are thinking and how they are making you feel.  If you are feeling really uptight or anxious take at least 5 deep breaths to short circuit your primal brain’s “Alarm” reaction and avoid what is commonly called a “neural highjack.”
2. OBSERVE the way you are looking at your situation.  What is it about how you are looking at this “problem” that makes you feel the way you do? Imagine yourself up high in the air looking down on your situation and notice how by elevating your perspective, it can alter how you see the “problem.”
3. ASK yourself how the wisest person you know view your circumstances?  What’s the valuable lesson this situation has to teach you? (And believe me, every uncomfortable emotion and difficult situation has something of great value to teach us.)  Remember, we prove we are smart by our answers, but wise by our questions.  The more you can embrace curiosity, the wiser you will become.
4. REFRAME your situation, keeping in mind that the thoughts you are thinking are not reality, just how your brain is processing it.  How, by viewing this from a larger perspective, could you see the “problem” in a whole new light? Focus on what you can do, not on what you can’t.
5. RESPOND intentionally to your situation (as distinct from just reacting in the way you may have habitually done in the past).  What is the most constructive way to respond to this situation?

Repeat process as often as necessary. (Note:  This process, or a variation thereof, will be necessary for at least the next 50 years).

Let me know your thoughts by sharing a comment below.  And if you’re on Facebook, please share this article with those you think would also like to outsmart their brain, and in the process, reshape their life!

Related posts:

1. Are Your Habits Helping or Hindering?
2. Will 2012 be your year of living boldly? Here’s to New Year’s Resolve that Sticks!
3. How powerful are you? Become Your Own Super Hero.
4. The single biggest factor that holds people back…
5. Moving to Australia… Changes Abound!
6. Got Tall Poppy Courage?

Over the last few months I have given myself a self-diagnosis of A.D.D.  While I’m not sure that I meet the criteria to make me a hardcore case of Attention Deficit Disorder, I certainly have been struggling with ”Attention Distraction Disorder.” And the more I’ve shared my problem with other people - whether friends, clients or colleagues – the more I’ve realized just how prevalent this problem is.  So if you are also struggling with keeping focus in a world brimming with distractions, read on…before your phone rings and your attention is pulled elsewhere.

Between our Blackberries (dubbed “Crackberries” for a good reason), Twitter, Facebook, texting and a zillion other sources of potential distraction, it’s becoming harder and harder to stay focused on one thing for very long.  Ask most Gen Y’ers about this and they will tell you they can easily finish an essay while texting friends and engaging in 5 simultaneous online chats discussions.  But studies by leading universities, from MIT to Stanford, are finding that our brain simply cannot do multiple things at once.  As our attention becomes spread across multiple tasks, it grows weaker,  our focus poorer and our productivity lower.  A recent  study by Workplace Options has found that American businesses lost $650 billion dollars a year lost productivity through workplace distractions. Yes, that was billion, not million.

It would be convenient to blame all our distractions for undermining our ability to finish tasks efficiently, to perform at the level we know we are capable of, or even to focus on what we needs to be prioritized in any given busy day.  But more often our productivity levels (measured in terms of what we accomplish in any set period of time) are impacted more by the fact that we have simply not got really clear about what we really want to focus our attention on, rather than the distractions themselves.

I recently did my first ever live  televised coaching session with Terri, my first “on air” client.  (BTW, thank you to those of you who volunteered to work with me on camera: I will post upcoming opportunities on Facebook.)  If you watch the TV segment, you will see that Terri is smart, accomplished and imminently employable.  But as Terri acknowledged herself, the major challenge she’s had since leaving her job 18 months ago to relocate to a new area has been her lack of clarity about what she really wants for herself professionally.  And because she’s been unclear about what she really wants, she hasn’t been particularly productive in landing herself a job (though she told me off air that she’s become very proficient at yoga!).

As I said to Terri, once you are clear about what you really want to do, you can focus your time, energy and resources into accomplishing it.  But you need to put aside time daily (sometimes hourly) to get really clear about what you are going to focus your time on in the day ahead.  If you don’t, you become a bit like a rudderless sail boat in the middle of the ocean, at the mercy of the prevailing winds, tides and currents and unlikely to end up anywhere you’d really want to be. And so when you have no clear focus,  it’s all too easy to become an unwitting victim of those distractions that, in the bigger scheme of things, aren’t taking you in a direction you truly want to go.  Not that there’s anything inherently wrong or sinister with all the the activities you distract yourself with – from chatting with friends by the water cooler or on the phone, rummaging through the department store sales racks, watching re-runs of “The Office,” updating your Facebook status or browsing YouTube.  But beyond the initial restorative benefits gained by disengaging your brain for a little while, if those time consuming activities aren’t adding to your long term sense of fulfillment or wellbeing, then they are doing you more of a disservice more than anything else.

While the world has changed dramatically in even just the last 20 years, the value of focused effort has not. To combat my ADD and  improve my focus,  I recently downloaded software that limits my access to Facebook (and in case you’re wondering, yes, this IS humiliating for me to admit).   I switch my phone to silent when I’m writing.  Like right now.  Often I head to a cafe where I can’t access  the internet, removing all temptation.  And I have time scheduled in my calander every weekday morning at 8am to prioritize what I will focus on in the day ahead.  Does my new system work perfectly?  No.  But it certainly counters that ADD, making me far more productive than I would be otherwise.  As for when my kids get out of school for summer, well, I guess will be heading to that cafe even more!  What I’ve learned over the years though is that I can get more done in 2 hours of focused attention, than in 8 hours while suffering with Attention Distraction Disorder.

4 Steps to Harnessing the Productivity Power of Focus:

1. Write down the specific goals you have for yourself in the next 3 months.  The more specific the better. ( e.g., For Terri, it is to get a job in the food industry that utilizes her skills and experience in product development and resourcing in cross-cultural settings.)

2. Schedule time into your calendar for the week ahead (at least – a month is better still!) that will be dedicated solely to moving you toward this goal.  Be realistic but be very specific about exactly when you are going to focus.  No multi-tasking: it simply doesn’t work for anything more than the simplest of tasks. (And this multi-tasking wannabee would know.)

3. Get whatever resources and materials you will need to make sure that you have everything you need to use that time well (e.g.,  If you need more information to get started, get it now so you don’t find yourself distractedly surfing the internet!)

4. Think ahead about possible distractions and plan around them.  Turn your phone off.  Let others know you will not be available.  Unplug your modem.  It doesn’t matter that it seems pathetic.  If you need that to help you focus, then just do it.  Speaking of which, I guess I can turn my phone back on. Article written. Mission Accomplished. Distraction awaits

Got a comment or suggestion to help me or others combat Attention Distraction Disorder? I’d love to hear it!

Related posts:

1. Neuro-Plasticity: Want To Outsmart Your Brain?
2. Does Fear Cloud Your Intuition? The Instincts You Should Never Ignore
3. Are you living today by default or design?
4. Will 2012 be your year of living boldly? Here’s to New Year’s Resolve that Sticks!
5. What courageous changes will you make in 2012?
6. Perfectionism: Are you stuck on the perfectionist merry-go-round?