Margie Warrell

I recently read that 60% of Americans lose their temper at least once per week. I’d like to tell you I wasn’t in that number but alas, my kids would tell you otherwise.

Of course losing our temper is what happens when we fail to keep our anger in check. Something (or someone) pushes our buttons and, unable to contain our anger, we explode. The result is never pretty. Last week I was asked to talk about anger on Better TV. Despite my occasional outbursts at my kids I wouldn’t say I am a particularly angry person. Which got me thinking, why are some people constantly angry while others seem perpetually serene and calm? And for the majority of us who fall somewhere in the middle, how can we process the emotion of anger in more constructive ways?

First let me repeat what I wrote in my book Find Your Courage. Anger, on its own, is neither good nor bad. Rather it’s a natural emotion that arises when we perceive an injustice to ourselves or others. The problem does not arise when we have anger. It arises when anger has us. It’s how we respond to it that determines whether it is helpful to our relationships (by addressing valid issues that threaten to undermine them) and good for society (by working to end injustice)  – or damaging to our relationships, destructive to our circumstances and plain old bad for our health (think heart disease, depression, ulcers…I’d go on but it doesn’t get better!). In other words, our response to anger ultimately creates more suffering for us and others, or less. It all hinges on how we process and express it.

Learning to manage anger isn’t easy. It takes a heightened level of self-awareness, a good dose of discipline and a robust commitment to [...]

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Submitted by Vinoth on 2/9/10

I truly accept your front line heading “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” Coming from a small town in India , I have always been brought up saying speaking our heart is not good manners and does not align with the society. Coming from such a background I have always been introverted and was unable to speak my heart. The one thing that I lacked was courage to live my life as I was living others’ lives. After reading your book and a host of other books I have done the following things which I would not have done earlier.

I spoke with my boss regarding the way I feel. I knew very well by speaking it out I was pointing a straight finger at him and risked losing my job. I knew I was speaking the truth which is always hard but at least speaking my heart out made me feel better and helped improve my self -esteem. In fact things have improved 100% better.

I always believed in dreaming big and achieving big but again my background proved to be a hindrance due to financial pressures and other commitments but that did not stop me from dreaming big and I have written journals and am a Guest Editor of a springer journal for 2010. I have started doing my Ph.D. in Information Systems and have started believing that the world listens to good thoughts and always big dreams coupled with the right strategy and hard work will bring wonders. [...]

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Submitted by Judy 2/9/10

My story starts last Feb when an old friend from 35 years ago found me through my sister’s classmates site. We emailed for a few times then on Valentine’s Day he called for the first time.

Keith lived in S. Jersey and I here in Baltiimore. We finally met up May 16th last year when I drove up for the day. As I tell Keith, he had me from the first hug (as there was already pre-chemistry before we met).

As I said it had been 35 yrs since we had seen each other, so we had a lot of catching up to do.

I was recently divorced after a 28 year marraige and 7 kids. He had also been married and in another relationship that each produced a child.

Where my courage comes in is the rest of the story.

We spent the whole day together and decided to go forward with our relationship. Prior to meeting up again, I found out some things about Keith, he had been living a pretty “wild” life up to this time. He had spent time in prison and had been involved with drugs and alcohol for most of his life. [...]

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Apparently Thomas Jefferson and George Washington experienced a blizzard of similar magnitude to the one we did in Washinton D.C. area last weekend but certainly, it was the biggest recorded dump of snow since official records began.  Having come from a place where even a thin layer of ice on a puddle mid-winter was cause for great excitement, I find having the landscape transformed to pure white quite magnificent.

What I have not found quite as magnificent is having my life interrupted. My four children have been home from school since Thursday and, alas, with another snow storm due to arrive tomorrow, they may well be off all week.  Ukurumba…there goes those plans of mine!

Yet as I sit here with my homemade latte beside my keyboard (the esspresso machine I gave Andrew for Christmas has been worth its weight in gold these last few housebound days!), I can’t help but think about how this storm, with all the interruptions and inconveniences it has brought with it, is a valuable analogy for the bigger storms that come our way through life.

The problem isn’t that things happen in life that completely throw us off our plans, it is that we expect anything otherwise.  Many years ago, midway through the second trimester of pregnancy with my first child, I discovered that it had died. It was New Year’s Eve 1996. To me that baby was already born. I was already a proud mother. But then, in the span of several minutes, without any signs to warn me, I discovered I wasn’t pregnant. I wasn’t going to have that cherished baby. That this new little life inside me [...]

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There are currently more Americans who have been unemployed for more than 6 months than any other time in U.S. history (6.1 million according to the latest figures). And while we hear reports that things are looking up for job seekers, we also have leading economists predicting that the job market may not improve much until 2012.

For those who have find themselves out of work, staying positive and proactive in their job hunt can be a lot easier said than done. Rejection after rejection can take a toll on self-confidence, and with that, the motivation needed to keep trying to find work.  But does being unemployed have to mean being miserable? Of course not.

Last week, I appeared on Let’s Talk Live here in D.C. to share some thoughts on how to stay positive when looking for work.

If you’re out of work (or fear you may be soon), here are six strategies that will help you differentiate yourself from other job seekers, build your resume outside the workplace and land work despite the odds. [...]

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Submitted by Katie 1/4/10

This past year and a half have been possibly the most difficult of my life. My husband and I own a business together in a dying industry. This business was owned by my parents for years, and they ran it successfully for all of those years. They retired at the top of their game and we excitedly took the business over. Little did we know the market would turn, the industry would change, and I would dive into the murky depths of depression.

My husband and I had a decision to make: close the business and declare bankruptcy, or evolve. Evolving would mean massive change — even more blood, sweat and tears put into our business, even less time with our two young children, more money problems and potentially more marital stress.

I was afraid. Very afraid. I was afraid of failing. I was afraid of not knowing how to evolve. I was afraid of not knowing what I was doing. I was afraid of having to face my business peers after failing. I was so focused on what could go wrong, it was difficult for me to see what could go right. The option of closing our doors would be so much less painful, even with declaring bankruptcy. How crazy is that? I network constantly for my business, so why couldn’t I actually learn from the success stories that I heard about daily? Stories that all involved fear and failure at the beginning, and all involved success in the end. All of these people were right there in front of me and yet I was still afraid to reach out to any of them.

So, what did I do? I saw a therapist. I read your book. And I talked to my husband. And talked and talked and talked. We decided to go on a business retreat, just the two of us, to face the reality that I was so willing to deny. During that retreat, we did something amazing — created our vision board. Only then could I see that our dreams could be reality and while it might be hard, it can be done. As it has been done by so many successful people around us.

Then, I reached out to some business people I admire, swallowed my pride, and asked the most important question I could ask: “How did you do it?” And then I listened. And listened. Took notes, and listened some more. And you know what these people did for me? They called back with more ideas for me to help me grow my business! And they referred me to other people who could help me grow my business. There was no judgement, no question that I couldn’t survive and even accomplish every dream that I have. Their faith in me helped me conquer that fear that laid in the pit of my stomach. They gave me the foundation to believe in myself.

I don’t know what 2010 will hold for me, but I can tell you this. I’m no longer afraid. Evolving is so much more exciting to me than just rolling over and dying. And I’m going to just keep reaching out to people and listening.

Submitted by Katie 1/4/10

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Submitted by Karyl Marlow on 1/4/10

My courage path started with a tragedy. My father-in-law, Dick, who was truly my second father crashed flying his restored Globe Swift Airplane and perished; my mother-in-law was critically injured but miraculously survived. Dick and my husband Bruce shared a love of aviation. When Dick passed away, Bruce lost his father, best friend, and his aviation comrade.

After the shock and grief, I came to grips with my reality. My husband also a private pilot still loved to fly. I loved the mode of transportation but I needed to overcome my fear. I figured out that my fear was based on the unknown of piloting a small airplane. I also realized that if my mother-in-law had known how to fly an airplane, she might have been able to save her husband’s life and herself from serious injury. I decided that if I were to continue flying with my husband I needed to know how to fly.

After many months of training, I took my first solo flight at our small airport. On my way over to my flight, I stopped at Dick’s hangar. I wanted Dick to be with me today — it is because of him and Bruce and their love of flight that I am on this particular journey. I opened the large hangar door and played “The Star Spangled Banner” as Dick would have done. As tears welled up in my eyes, I decided I needed to straighten up so I could fly right, or perhaps that is what Dick would have jokingly said.

After a preflight on the airplane, my instructor Adam came out and we proceeded on a normal training flight to make a few takeoffs and landings. After the first landing, Adam signed me off to solo. When he got out, I felt surprisingly calm. I began my checklist, restarting the plane, made my call on the radio and taxied to the run up area. As I stopped, I looked over at Dick’s hangar and a calm came over me. Dick was with me, in spirit, my wingman.

I was feeling confident since my previous two landings were good. The plane lifted off sooner since it was lighter without my instructor. Once around the airport pattern and I made a smooth landing. Yahoo! That was great, what was I worried about? Two more take offs and landings, the third landing was beautiful, something a seasoned pilot would be proud of, I was proud of. After I cleared the runway for the last time and made my radio call, I gave a little yee-ha at the end of it. Immediately someone asked if that was my first solo, which I acknowledged followed by, “Good job, beautiful landing, you sound professional on the radio.” It is amazing my head could still fit under the canopy. I was on the ground, my heart, and ego was on cloud nine, I did it!

I continued my flight training and received my private pilot’s license. I am now my husband’s aviation comrade and my fear has ebbed. I continue to fly and learn something about aviation and myself every time I take off.

I walk a little taller, feel more confident, and smiled a little broader every day. As Dick would have said, “It doesn’t get any better than this.”

Submitted by Karyl Marlow on 1/4/10

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Of course it doesn’t take the beginning of a new year to make a decision to start something new, make changes in how we are living our life or turn over a new leaf. We can do that any day of the year. But there is something about January 1st that makes it feel like a good time for new beginnings.

While reflecting on what I wanted to do in the year ahead, I found myself feeling a bit anxious. As someone who writes and speaks on living courageously, I wanted to come up with some really big, bold and audacious goals. Yet as I began to do so, I found myself feeling simultaneously overwhelmed by the thought that it was very likely I would fail to achieve them.

Which is when it occurred to me how important it is to make the distinction between a commitment (which any resolution or goal is) and an attachment.

Hopefully you are committed to achieving something(s) that is meaningful to you in 2010. Some of your goals may be very do-able (like my goal to try one new recipe each week). Others may be more of a stretch. What matters most though is not whether or not you achieve each of your goals (or resolutions), but that you give them your very best shot.

As I’m sure you well know, often life can get in the way of following through on what you’ve set out to do. Job loss, illness, market crashes, relocation, children… stuff like that. 2009 was a hard year for many, a cautious year for most, and an unpredictable year for all. And frankly I’m not sure that 2010 will offer any respite when it comes to living with uncertainty. But that doesn’t mean we should hang up the towel and declare 2010 the year of “getting by.” It just means that we need to be willing to adapt them to new circumstances as they arise and let go of our attachment that everything should happen just as we think it should.

So, let me ask you, if you weren’t afraid of failing at achieving your goal and instead threw caution to the wind, what is one thing you would dearly love to accomplish (change, do, create…) between now and the clock striking midnight next New Year’s Eve? What one thing would give you [...]

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On the eve of Christmas I just wanted to remind you to take a moment to reflect on what the Christmas holiday represents. It is a time to deepen the connection you share with family (near and far); to experience gratitude for your many blessings; to remember the precious lessons you’ve learned in the year just past (however disguised they were at the time); to laugh at yourself as you wonder why it took you so long to learn some of them; and most of all, to think about how you can use your hard-earned wisdom to create a more meaningful and rewarding future… in 2010 and beyond.

Let go your attachment to having everything be ‘just perfect’ this Christmas. Rather, go with the flow and savor the unique experience of this festive season — for all that it is and for all that it isn’t. Life, with all its ups and downs, its joy and its sorrow is a precious gift.

Time to celebrate!

Photo courtesy of kugelfish

By the way, as you read this if you’re struggling with how to ease the stress, then watch this interview from yesterday on how to experience more joy this Christmas season.

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As I try to move down my big, long to-do list this week in preparation for all the merrymaking I will be doing in the weeks ahead, I’ve found myself feeling a bit overwhelmed. Okay, more than a bit. So I have stopped. Stopped to take a big deep breath, to look out the window at the sun streaming in and to ask myself “Why the hurry?”

As I’m sure you’ve experienced yourself, it’s very easy to get caught up on the “do it all” and “be it all” merry-go-round this time of year. They call it the silly season for a reason.  Which is why I’ve stopped mid-flight and am writing to you right now. Because most of the time I find that if there’s something I’m struggling with, someone else is too.

So, what to do? First up, is to breathe. It may sound foolish or overly simplistic but pausing and just focusing on the very simple act of breathing can be quite transforming. So how about you do it. Yes…right now. Just follow your breath…in…and out…and as you exhale, imagine all the stressful thoughts leaving your body, your psyche, your spirit and in their place leaving a peaceful quiet and a deep knowing that all is well.

It will only take you one minute right now to breathe in 10 big deep breaths but it will make a difference for many hours to come. I know you have lots on your plate but I also know that you, like me, can spare one minute.

Next up is to ask yourself what really matters to you this Christmas season? Is it to have the best wrapped presents, the most decorated home, the hippest holiday party or is it to truly connect with the people you love most in the world, to deepen the bonds you share and celebrate all the wonderful things that life has brought you? [...]

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